Thursday, April 20, 2006
A case of History
3 out of my 4 years in Dunman, I had recieved history classes from Mrs.Azli. The only thing which never came with those classes is how history can hit us again if we don't learn from then.
I'm in a repetitive viscous cycle. The one that will repeat, repeat and hit you hard wheather u notice or not. Much kinda like a hurricane. You can prepare and prepare as much as you want but when the time actually comes, Wham! It will just hit you.
This is the same old feeling. More than 3 years + ago that i had this feelings. And with these feelings are the same repetitve stuff which i cant control myself. Back then, I had just started delivering pizzas, earning my own cash when i fell into the douldroms of depression. I splurged on my bike, the original "Rose," indulged in not 1...but 2 handphones, lost almost everything which i had saved since a little child. Everthing was a mess, till I met her...
And now...
A mentor once told me that no matter how good a person is, they will always be in a cycle of events till they do something right. If we are meant to do something right, then events wont move for us till we do and the cycle will just repeat.
I have been trying to move on but its getting harder by the day. Rotted the whole day of 18th. Slept for a crazy 17hours. CRAZY! Woke up just in time for work, if not...ha! The events soon after though is a special first feeling.
6 years on, 5 bikes later is the first time that i fulfilled a wonderful dream. I had always watched MotoGP as child, dreaming to be then Wayne Rainey, Kevin Shwartz, Doohan & even Kenny Roberts Jr. I took my first step finally into a track circuit. The Johor circuit or otherwise known as Pasir Gudang. The feeling into the arena was humongous. Nevermind the rundown grandstand, the small pitlanes or the naturally overgrowing vegetations, it was just unbelievable. I wish she was there with me, to experience it.
The trip was courtesy of Sgt hotstuff & his mates. There they were zooming & whizzing past the straight as I watched in awe. Yes I was watching, I wasn't racing. The caring mum somehow disapproved so a watching feeling is better then no feeling. All this excitement was continued straight after my night shift so I was like in a starstruck environment. The ride home was to be another great experience.
All in all there were 11 bikes that headed up. Going back only 7 stuck together. Ninja6, Srad6, Fireblade400, 2 Super4, KR150 & me R1. We headed back home using the 2nd link and as soon as we hit the toll highway, the Ninja6 and Srad6 zoomed off & surged ahead. In my frustration, depression and what not feelings, Emotions got the better of me. Pushed my bike & myself to limits I've never met. The last glance i got was 268km/h and still accelerating on...Only to be slowed down by vehicles. 268km/h woah! What a rush! Strangely, she was there in my heart & mind.
Which just goes to show, that no matter how much I try to move on, this will be my stumbling block for now. I still feel like a fool, who was outplayed by my own game. Caught like a silly spider in its own web!
...Im looking at my new Motorola L7. Still have yet to use it. Strange. A weird feeling thats all to familiar. Just hope I splurge carefully on the FullFace, Gloves, Boot & tracksuit when i get the green light. Ha! wait for the pics people.
when darkness turns to light @ 5:57 pm
