Saturday, April 22, 2006
Its strange when the one you hold so dear says words that pierce right tru'
especially since u know she still has a tinge of 'care fr u' in her. Acknowledged abit of facts that this is definietly dolat/karma. What goes around comes around. I had always believed that & now its hitting me like a ton of bricks being swayed from 10m far. Wham!
She told me that i was a learning phase. I was somtething that happened in her life for a gd reason, coz if not fr me, she wud neva have appriciate her bf now :( strangely, tink dats da same line 3yrs ago. I dunnoe. my memory is losing me. Things happen for a reason & there are always blessings in disguise. that was wat our relatioinship had always taught me, coz ours was always threading on a fine line of blured-ness.We were totally the exact opposite of each other, yet fate brought us together & we fell madly in love. Yesh i was madly n deeply in love with her. I was blinded by eerything around me. Everything seemed to passby so easily with her. I could see no wrong of hers. i was the happiest man alive.
Nowadays, shes juz tellin me to move on. Asking me to tink of all her bad pts. she seys it wud be easier. been trying to. I dunnoe. the onli things i remember now which cracked us apart, was ironically our differences. we both started to point each others' mistake. me to her n she to me. now i recall, she didnt use to like my dressin, said it was too sloppy, didnt like my old t-shirts which had small holes in them, nor the matching holey jeans. she didnt like it that i didnt gel my hair so much, nor that i was the type to just blurt out all my inate feelings. Yah these were the stuff that made arguements. Dont judge me wrong, I found faults in her too, but its not gd to badmouth a person. ha! oh well...
with all these images n memory coming back, still so strange that i find myslf pulled so much deeper into her. i still do love her. i juz neva admitted it till it was too late. There was a period of time when she was there for me everyday, & I SO SO APPRICIATED THAT, yet my ego was too big for me to blurt out those magical werds she wanted so much to hear. SHe has taught me alot of stuff, one of which is to be more expressive, yet be subtle in expressing it. for that i have to thank u so much. for all the feelings that are still deep down inside me, I sumhow am startin to understand. To love sum1 is to let dem go, for if they return they were truly meant to be urs. I was meant to be hers, but i didnt sey it. mayb, juz mayb...
I rememember she once said of gg away, hoping dat mayb in 2yrs time if were both still single, den mayb...
Now i m juz able to hold to dat. HOPE brings a whole new meaning now.
For all that u've given to me, dou' its to late, ive finally cherished it. all those moments bside me at the hospital, i shud have said it. =( im sori. n now dat uve move on n seem to b hepi, i truly am, from the bottom of my heart, hepi fr u.3
*Only the 4th drop...
Bah! im bein so emotional at dis hour =(
when darkness turns to light @ 5:04 am
