Thursday, June 08, 2006
The happenings
It has finally happened.
Yeap, it has finally happened. I have dreaded for this day to come. But it has happened. The last real evidence of what were our remains. That final bit of piece that was a glimeering hope for me has finally crashed down to earth. Its no longer there, it has finally been closed. Thats the biggest sign yet that you have really2 moved on. You want to forget me already. & it only seemed like yesterday when you first told me that you were moving on, that you had suddenly are attached now. And with those words you still told me that you had a soft spot for me. We would still be in regular contact and that you were not sure.
Its all clearing up. Yeah you are sure now. All the screenshots from down under showing your ever cheery smile. I havent really seen you smile like that for quite a while. He must be really someone great to you. Glad that you have found him, good for you you're moving on. In a certain sense...I'm emotionless of the closing down of our online portal. I really am not sure what to say.
Speechless.
I still am coming to terms with this phase of my life. The departure of 1 desire for you. The death of it all. I still am losing focus on this. Its all still haunting me.
A strange thing this desire. It works like sense. When 1 desire dies (or goes into coma), another or a few more desires will spruce up or they just became more active. They start to grow, start to give me different time of emotions this other desires. Its really strange.
1 point of time I remember I was working like 29 night shifts straight without even a rest day. That desire was strong. Trying...really so called trying to prove to you that I could live without you. Trying to foucs my attention elsewhere. That desire is fading away to, esp with the devastation. The last trace of what we were....all gone now.
Nowadays, I'm very2 tired again. Night shift has split to 12 hrs. I hate 12 hour shift. Its making me really tired with loads of spare time to burn my money away. But to burn that money away I need people, you mainly. You're not here though. You used to wait in anticipation for my off days when I was still in service. And we would just spend the time lazing away, happily enjoying each other's company.
Now my off days are barren. I have to start doing what you always taught me, to plan ahead. No longer do last minute plans work regularly no more. They only work when you have someone loving you by your side ;( Now I have to think and utilise my brain to come up with activites to do on my off day, gather the correct people and then ensure the co-ordination goes smoothly. Otherwise...
What's the use, I'll just rot away on my bed of nails.
Wait!!! I can't do that no more, at least for the time being. This months is so busy. My cousin's wedding, and now the house is just littered with boxes labelled with all the various room names stuck on it. I'm surrounded by boxes. The bed of nails is going soon, too. This computer is going soon too. Its all happening.
This weekend I'll say goodbye to my humble abode my family has called on for the past 21 years. I really don't want to move. I am too comfortable already. I don't want to start anew. So its strange, that I've always wanted to move house to Tampines, yet when now its a reality, I'm dreading it.
It's all wrong timing. My life is always about wrong timing. Why did you have to close it down now. I still did regularly turned to that page for solace and now its gone.
It has finally happened. More things are going to happen.
Ridak...are you ready for it all ??
when darkness turns to light @ 1:57 pm
