Monday, June 12, 2006
Numb Feelings
Words can no longer describe what I am actually going through, what I am feeling. Its a numbing feeling that I really cant find words to fit the puzzle. Its absolutely absurd this feeling, a reeking and stabbing pain thats slowly rotting there in my heart.
I really cant find the best words to express the true things that I am actually feeling. I want to so much, to express it all out yet the despair is just that. Its blankless. My expression is just blankless as blank can be.
Its a strange period of my life now. Of absolute ups and downs in matters of splitting seconds. Crucial seconds that my dear buddy, Valention Rossi would be ashamed up when hes making his laps. Ha.
Life can be cruel to us some times. That of course is looking at the negative aspect of it all.
& life can also be very kind to us. For in all honesty life is very kind to us, we have yet to just see the best of it.
Life has been kind to me. I really am thankful I still am alive. I am closing in on a crucial date in my life. A date that definietly I would post about. Not now though but it is near.
Thinking and reflecting about that incident just shudders me some times and it does make me laugh abit at all this silly feelings that I'm having. Abit childish even you would think. But as simple as people always tell me, and even I tell people, it really is not as simple as it looks.
Do you think I really want to suffer like this ?
It really is always easier said than done.
C'mmon!! Up man & go. Push harder!! I'm sure I'll make it out alive, unscathed even...maybe ?!?
What is all this rantling about tonight also, I am unsure. This feeling of numbness is overcoming me tonight. The serenity of the office at night doesn't provide much blanket or cover for this waning heart thats been allowed to reminiscent alot.
Oh the truth of it all. Having friends really does help and strangely sometimes these friendship comes in unique and funny ways. But it does really help and I have to thank all those people who have helped me come so far.
I will be trying to be more expressive definietly. So dear friends help me out of this k ;)
when darkness turns to light @ 1:50 am
