Monday, August 28, 2006
Blur
Everything is so blurry right now. It really is. It doesnt't help that I slept the whole time the sun was up today. & so I think I am going to be spending the whole night up, doing what also wouldn't know.
Crossroads, transitions...yah I'm all about that now. Its been a real rollercoaster ride these past few months. Everytime I think it is settling down, things will just take a turn and a very sharp turn at that. Sometimes its a very good turn but rather surprising but pleasent. Though its good, it escalated my life into states beyond my control and soon after it drops back to the transitional mode it was before.
Mostly though all the turns were for the worst. Very very unpleasent and totally shocking, though I must say some were rather expected.
Now again, the transitional mode that I am in is in a constant blurry mode overshadowed by the constant thick fog that presides together, for they come as a pair.
I don't know what could be worst at the moment. I don't know if landing a job at a top notch MNC now will do me good. I don't know if just staying home all day will do me good. I don' really know what will do me good.
For all that I know, nothing is really really good. Only after the excitement and pleasent surge of emotions, not to mention the great uphill ascend that has descended, would I realise that something good has hit me and its gone. Gone down the drain for me to just antogonise at.
Theres something that has been missing these past few days. Am not really sure if its good but the production girl has gone quiet in my life. Ha. I dont know if it was, or still is a good idea but I told her off on trying to know all my movements. And then all went quiet. Maybe it is reiterated by another lady, the nurse, when she was surprised my sms. She replied later saying it was a surprise for it seems that I dont sms if she doesnt first. The uprising continued with the airport girl also telling me how come I dont sms her or call. Ha.
Another time. Ha.
I aint quite sure what the next step would be. I really aint sure.
Oh anyway yesterday was very grand at Farrah's wedding. And I really mean grand. The dias was like...Oh my...I told my mum abt the hugeness of the dias. She passed it off easily,
"Rasa2 kau nye 30k tak cukup. Ko kena save lagi 20k k?" Haha. She really wants me to get married. I told her nicely that if she really wanted me to get married soon, she should just find someone for me. I just reminded her, who would want an unemployed 24year old.
She shook her head telling me she doesn't want to be blamed for anything in the future. Ha. Mak oh Mak. I may whine and complain and make noise about the choices that you've made for us kids but I've always told you that I am completely happy
(minus some misunderstandings ;P) at how you've brought us kids up. You parents have done a good job, its just left for us kids to choose to continue the good teachings. So I am perfectly fine if you were to choose anyone for me. Of course, mata musti nak sedap dipandang la =)
Yah...I've always been wanting to please my mum when choosing woman in my life. Ha. Even telling mum about the ladies that I go out with. Some she will just give her melancholic face, most she will shake her head with disapproval initially. Hah. Almost all the time, I can differentiate who she likes and who she doesnt.
Ha...oh well... whats past is past.
I don't wish to reminiscent further into the past. I'll just end up being more emotional and not be able to sleep tonight.
Oh...to ms.secretary, salam takziah ku kepada mu. Byk2 la bersabar.
when darkness turns to light @ 8:25 pm
