Friday, August 25, 2006
Blurting it out
In the past 48 hours, I have talked...& I mean literally talked to myself more times than I have talked to 'real' people. The type of talking where actual words are uttered and people can hear them, if ever any around. For these worde are/were spoken and not only in the brain. For in the past 48 hours I have really lost count of the number of debates and topics I have spoken to myself about.
I am on the verge of losing myself, my mind and my consciousness.
I have been awake since 24th August 430pm++. Ever since which I have been unable to shut my eyes and lay my tired body to rest. I have touched on so many topics. I really want a recorder with me everytime so as to be able to record all the thoughts and debates that I have with myself. They range far and wide. Mostly though they are emotional issues ...of course.
I need help. I need professional help...
Therapist RIDAK: *appears out of no where* How can I help youMe: Great *slaps forehead* here we go again...Therapist RIDAK: I thought you called for help ??Me: REALLY....HELP!!!Please let it all go away...Therapist RIDAK: I am able to read your mind you know. I saw those words in the thought bubble above you. The only advise I can have for you is to be calm and find a reason to motivate yourself UP to your best.I see the therapist suddenly shimmering in bodily waves as he dissapears just like in the movies. So can you see the state that I am in.
ah here it comes again...
So why must I put myself in such torture and besiege myself with all the pain. Why must I be in such a manner that compels others to offer a helping hand. I am grateful for those many a hands but thats not what I am ultimately searching for. What I need now is emotional stability. What I need now is the dissapearance of my physical pain. What I need now is life achievement & success, things which are tangible enough to display to all those that has mocked me. For the most important is the assets for me to show my parents. What I need now too is just a place of solace in the form of a heart, just that who's heart is anybodys guess right now.ARGH!Oh did I mention that my parents are going umrah next week. Praises of Allah to them dan semoga selamat pergi dan selamat kembali. I am going to be parent-less from 3rd Sept - 11th Sept. Guess whos going to be master of the house. Bleargh =( me of course. I am so going to miss them. For I am lost without their guidance...
Therapist RIDAK!!! Show yourself!!!!Great...now he doesnt appear!!!
ARGH!!!Just let me say goodbye to all ...ok ? & dont question why I am saying goodbye and who the all are. For I will just spurn up a quick tale to suit your liking, I think.
Alright...
Goodbye all!!
when darkness turns to light @ 8:17 am
