Tuesday, August 22, 2006
off the rebound
The more of it I saw, the sadder I became...Why am I even being bothered by what I see & by what people tell me ?? And so it seems that I have yet to pass that stage, no not yet. I still am reeling in from dire effects of non communication. I have yet to let go of the etches and scribbles on my mind.
Au contradictions...I want both...to be able to let go and be free and yet have pleasing memories to go along with me. That ultimate juggling act and balance is almost to difficult for me at the moment. Something which I am unable to distinguish properly.
I want to let go. I have been trying, periodically. 1 thing is for sure, I am no longer on the rebound. Something about rebounds always make you like them easily, always makes you want to know them or always gives you a sense of false comfort. cause you always seem to think that they are the replacement to whom you long for. I went through this phase already. Now I can safely say, that even though I am missing her...I hav moved from the rebound stage.
I say this as I have a different form of feeling now. Especially when I go out with girls. I dont have a sense of yearning to meet that 1 particular person only, anymore. I can even have that nuetral feeling when going out with several girls. But the definite confirmation I can get about me not having rebounds is that I can feel repulsed with the women I go out with. I am already choosy and not just settling for any pretty (or rather un-pretty) face that comes along. I am already more into trying to uderstanding the characters that suit me.
Yah so that is at least a reprise. A burden off my chest. I can reject girls again
*chuckles* Haha in a manner in which I think I know who is right for me or not. I am able to choose my dates more carefully now. That is my only solitude for now...
That is of course, until...
The more of it I saw, the sadder I became...
when darkness turns to light @ 6:04 pm
