it ends tonight,

Thursday, September 21, 2006

lost

I dont really know what to write no more. At a junction where I am constantly so damn tired. And its a few days more to ramadhan, I wonder how Im going to pull it off. Its not about the food and drinks, its about the spiritual enlightenment. I never seem to supercede myself. Always faring lousier then the previous year. Why!!

Spiritual attainment is...hmmm...

I had a small revision class yesterday with my dad. Imagine at 1am - 4am. Knowledge strangely always comes to me in all these weird hours. All the things that I supposedly know already were suddenly reminded of. I felt so weak and devilish in all the purity that I was listening to. Yet I also felt a strange movement of air that I had learned and practised most of the things that I was revising.

I always want to be an angel you know, yet all the vices lure me to the dark side. And it was an oxymoron that just after I finished my 'class,' someone sms me to go Devils bar at 4am. haha. Last kopek before puasa. Tsk3. ohhhh the devil was literally a calling.

How come I find myself in ironic situations.

I still have it lingering in my mind, a last kopek before Ramadhan, yet my mind wants to cleanse and wants to be pure. What irony.

I need all the strength that I can muster to pull through the rest of September. For only then will I truly wake up from my slumber.

when darkness turns to light @ 12:01 pm