Saturday, November 04, 2006
invinsible wall
From which ever side I run & shield myself from, the onslought and avalanche of emotions, desires and bucking up never seem to evades me. Be it at work, home, dream creator, with friends or just plain lazing atmosphere, somehow and someway that pile up of requests on me just begins it seige and I just cannot get away from it.
No matter that I want to try to solve it, it just doesnt get erased.
"A man may fall many times but he is not a failure till he says he was pushed"
I just keep getting up and looking back to find no one to blame but me. Yesh, no one to blame but myself for all of this. It seems I still just havent got it nor have I learnt the key essentials to understanding the fundamentals of surviving in this dog eat dog world. Lets not even go to the touchy topic and issue on desires and emotions. For it will just drown me in all the sorrows that I am experiencing.
Let me run away for a while from it all. Understanding it all though, I have run away many times from it all, short breaks and long breaks. I dont wish to just keep on running. I want to get things done. It is a hard driven path the beaten track ahead. I know of it already. I chose to go through it, yet I always seem to fall in between or backtrack to the start. I have hit the brick wall upteenth times.
Not about hitting the wall as I have learnt. It is about recognising that you have reached the wall and taking a small step back before slowly but surely ensuring we push this mental wall back further until we reach upon its heights once again. We just have to keep repeating this process till we reach our destination. It is here then that we would truly savuor the sweetness of our journey.
The only time I have ever enjoyed reaching the walls and being able to take a step back, and yet still push all the boundaries away is when I am in front of people, controlling their attention and laughter. The center stage under the limelight seems to be the only place where I can materialise my desires and hide away from all my solace. That is my spot and that is how I can develop. Should a certain some one read this last para, please do understand...
Its about picking onself up and finding the best place to keep our feet firm.Its just about that...
