Thursday, December 14, 2006
moving along with the ironies
It was a whole-ly well rested day. My body seemed to had break down together with my pocket, after Rose's spending spree on Tuesday night. Heh. Truely, I dare to say that it was more of a
malas nak pergi kerja case, as I had actually woken up at 6+ feeling only slightly sick. That slightly sick feeling led me to try to sneak in a couple more winks. Next thing I knew, the sun was up and bright, of course. Hah. Luckily though, the body did have enough sick symptoms for the Doctor to give me a day's off. Either that or I truly am a great pretender.
Oh I sort of complained to my doctor as well, regarding my dramatic weight increased for the past 3 months. It still hasnt come down :( & as of yesterday, at the clinic, I was tipping the scales at 62.5kg. The doctor looked at my bulging tummy and she still could say,
"you're not fat yet." Bleargh. Keyword people,
"YET." She just advised me to reduced my intake during meals, cause apparently my metabolism has slowed down. Hmmm...
Just spent the day lazing around and sleeping mostly. It was a nice rest I must say especially in the middle of the week. Heh.
------------------------------I have been re-reading my posts and understanding it in a different manner lately.
If you have noticed, I have changed slightly my style of writing. The language is still just normal, the grammar too. Its just the content is varying right now. It used to be that I only wrote of how I feel towards life, towards love and towards my inability to move on. Now if you had noticed...
It came somewhere in mid November. A sudden release and
pffftt I went sky rocketing into another dimension that totally changed my style and contents of blog writing. I still had found my way to write in my old style but the frequency and regularity is just not the same no more. Its like...I have lost that fuel that was burning my heart to pour out in such a negative manner.
Remember that thing that I was thinking about for quite some time already ??
Yah. Maybe the reason why my perceptions had changed is due to the 'lack' of being lost in love. Hah. So damn ironic yah. I was getting to be better, improving if I dare say in my writing. Now the urge to write my heart out is different and fading. I write what my brains tell me more. I write with logical emotions. I write with restricted desires even. Very far fetched from the rather blunt waning heart that was crying over spilled milk.
Hmmm. I want to let it go yet at the same time I dont want to let it go.
Makes any sense ??
I want all that stupid emotions that was dragging my life down to fade away. Yesh I truly want that. I also want the free expressive heart that was penning his no-holds-barred lifestory and seeking redemptions from
so called un-solvable emotional problems randomly at will, and at a rate of a whistling machine gun. & so...I have ironies and clashes within my small skull that protects my brain, and within strong ribs that protects my heart. Where they duel it out ? Where is the ring which they come upon together? Your guess is as good as mine.
Clash of the inner titans. Can both emerge out winners with me being the penultimate achiever ? InsyaAllah.
when darkness turns to light @ 2:22 pm
