Tuesday, January 02, 2007
two zero zero seven
Gee, where do I even begin ...butI saw the sort of fear in your eyes,
I saw how the tears were seemingly welling up your lids.
How you jolted in line not wanting to proceed further,
How you shook & trembled differently to how my father's and mother's ones' had previously did not.
I placed my hands on you, just as how I had placed them earlier on my father's & mother's ones'.
I could feel you.
I felt the mystic aura go up my hairs.
I knew you could feel me and relate my good intentions to him.
As the takbir raya I chanted on my lips, the knife was wielded in sharp and precise motions to present you as a sacrifice to him.
May my parents intentions pass up the 7 layers of the sky unblocked, InsyaAllah
May my intentions pass up the 7 layers of the sky unblocked, InsyaAllah.
I was wondering why it was so. What caused the difference in the movement of the lamb. My heart I knew was definitely not pure, & my mind was filled with to many clouds of shroudded thoughts. Was that it ? The old man just advised me, upon hearing what I saw & thought, that I should stregthen the base of the poles that fly my flag up so high. I knew what he meant but I wondered if he knew what I was going through.
Please God, hear my pleas & hear my prayers. For it is only to you that I can look upon for help, & only to you alone. Alhamdulillah all seems to have gone some what smoothly, may it all be smoother in the future.Oh, I saw fazzy as well. She looked like she had lost weight, & my did she look cute with the hijab. Haha. If not for me carrying the meat...heh.
I didnt know for what actual reasons. I was at the Seletar family home when suddenly the need to vomit was heavily in me, or rather going out of me. That made me feel so sick. Twice at that! & I was already sound asleep as the family ushered 2007 in. Gee...
So...were the activites that presided the last day of the Gregorian calendar.
2007 already came and with it, 1 day had already passed by. I didnt quite find enough time to draft in my mind proper new years resolution. Since its already here, I should bullet some out.
- Save another $10K (minimum $5K)
- Should probably throw away all (most la eh) of my excess baggages in my room. Heh.
- Get stable income & not from a contract
- find a proper outlet/person to express myself
- Get my degree started ??
- ...& of course moving on!
That said, what about the stuffs that had happened in 2006. How has my resolutions of 2005 turn out. Well, mostly, ermmmm k all my plans from 2005 for 2006 did not really materialise. There were however nice surprises that popped up through out the year. For all of that I have to be thankful.
2006 was a year of ups & downs. Plentyful of it really. The year that I derived the term RIDAK. Reliving Interesting Denials About K. That is so the epitome of me, on a rollercoaster. Back before the days I coined the acronym RIDAK, I had always described my life and ride to that of a rollercoaster. In 2006, my emotions were added to that ride & with that marked the ride of my life so far.
It was a pleasent sms in the afternoon of the new year that I found the birth of my paternity feelings. I already have a new cousin, whose name is Abdul Hadi btw, in the first few days of December but I only managed to hold him on the 31st. The feeling was different somehow when I was in SGH to hold the baby boy of my former classmate.
She was somehow very receptive to us guys carrying her new born child. & she was very hyper active for a new mum out of labour. Im sure ms.secretary can vouch for that. Heh! Oh...Oh! I met mr.secretary for the first time. I must say hes quite plum eiy & quiet :P Haha. Sorry dear ms.secretary if the joke about the ring was a lil too much :P
Zul cina, sgt.hotstuff and me welcomed lil Izz Hareez Hilman into the world in our arms. We are now known as 'paman' as said by Umi Fiedzah. Hehe. Mr.teacher somehow declined to have lil Izz in his arms. 1 thing us guys agreed when we had lil Izz in our arms was it made us feel like having our own. Maybe this was due to how close we were as a group to the mother. The parenting feeling from a good friend was passed on to us. Definitely I smiled in my heart knowing that I want my own come the age of 27 ;)
I took pictures but I cant seem to upload them to blogger nor photobucket, so just wait for the pics you all.
---------------------------The days before 2007 were trying ones indeed. Shouting matches, brain fights, battling loss of sleep, partying, "so called" working and emotional rollercoaster(which is norm) all being jumbled up in 1 big pile, in the same timeline.
I wont banter so much on the debacle thats pouring upon my taggie. Hey I have always been trying to be optimisitic, so the recent flurry of tags is...in...a...way...good! That said, I wont touch on it much more except that I'm happy I have my family on my side. Even though how much she agrees that I am flirty to the extent that I can be called a player!!! You can check out my lil sis' profile here btw. ---------------------------I want to find within myself, the old me...erm meaning the youngling me. The me that was younger and very much a pendiam and a pemalu. 2 characteristics of my that whenever I define it to my friends, never fail to produce a smurk the minimum. I want to find that me again.
I want that me.
No more partying maybe ? Hah.
Abg Chindian had said he wanted to quit off alcohol in 2007. I burst out telling him he wouldnt last more then 14 days.
Now that I think of it, I am being in the same mindset that people always percieve me in. The dont believe that I am a pemalu and pendiam deep inside me. I know that I am, I'm sure people will have their share of laughs but oh well. Nobody knows me. Not even
her back then. Cause with all the emotions that I poured out after she moved on, she was actually quite surprised with this side of me that she never saw while we were in a relationship. So I trust myself and my own feelings that no one really knows me, not even myself. Except maybe my parents(at certain times only ;p).
This really is a long banter of ideas nad thoughts which I had kept from last year. It is finally a lil off my chest. It is off. So now I know at least I can look at the skies in 2007 clearer. be it vacant skies or not, be it full orange moon or not. Be it clouds of thunder and lightnings, be it hazy skies, or be it puuurfect atmospherical skies, at least I can see it now.
Yesh thats what Im looking forward to now.
2006 was a year of learning. 2007 shall be a year of moving.
I have my sights now on 2008 and beyond ;)
Its never to early to plan for the future aite...have a good year all.
Its never too late too...
Happy New Year 2007 to all!!!
when darkness turns to light @ 7:33 am
