Wednesday, October 15, 2008
w-h-i-t-e
I am just a gargantous jumbo ball of emotions at this present time. Wondering when and how it all came to be this pile of mess. Stranger is, when did I realise that the bounce was atop of me. Sharp pain is pinching and poking me from inside the right of my brains as I wreck it to find the words to express myself. For it seems I am at a loss of words as well.
The need to burn off heat is so intense...
For it seems that I am finally relenting. The nett weight which I heave upon my slouched and mini excuse for shoulders is finally unable to be balance. To much to carry, to little space to rest upon. Is this burn out ?
No one seems to have the perfect answer. That aint a surprise of course, but it intrigues me how I am constantly disillusioned by her mistakes. Every little things seems to twitch me and it just appears that the irritation would appear to be bigger and BIGGER everytime. Not to mention the level of irritation.
And it doesnt surprise me that I have seem to be viewed as 'changed.'
Like a turtle it seems. Ducking under all the cross fire, or even shots upon me. Having my head hide, not to mention my limbs, inside my ever soft-er shell. They cant find me as much as they thought they would. For I have gone quiet. So so quiet that its very eerie honestly. I cant put a word to it. But how do you explain feeling weird when you had just set aside some time for yourself, and its ACTUALLY working but...
Is any of this blabbering making sense ??
Thinking hard to the past, I am. Its been a while since the 10th month had this effect on me. For I would normally be so ever cheerful at this point of the year. Things just dont. They dont stay constant and change is inevitable, necessary even to a large extent.
I still am trying to figure out.
I really am still trying to figure out how all this has gumballed into a very sticky ucky bubble yum of a mess. Very so very sticky the pink bubble yum. So so messy. I cant comprehend all of it with precise notion.
& I guess, I just have to soak into whats coming up. For I will ensure that I enjoy my first real holiday since November 2006. & its back to KL! where men will jerit ;) Sepang International Circuit, here I come. MotoGP, finally, I will get to see you. For I truly need this NOW!
when darkness turns to light @ 1:06 am
