profile.
Ridak & his RollerCoaster
This is his emotional ride.



Reliving
Intresting
Denials
About
K



talk.


Seeking their lights...
Adibah - Lady
Baeyah - jezbiggie
Baitina - tinatino0ot
Baizura - Aiz
Firdaus Jamaludin - lanang
Cha Cha
Haddad
Hafriz
Hurul'Ain - ms.secretary
Haslinah - LadyHackwrench
Liyana Ramli - lynn
Linda Eain - Lynn
Liyana J - LJ
Masnoraffis - lil'un / bond
Nadiah Yusof
Noraini - norot
Nurazima
Nurul Huda - Nunu
Rasyida
Roziemah - Ogy / r0zy
Shasha
Siti Raudhah - Anggunz
Suriana - Yana
Wardah - ms.salad queen / ruzmidah
archives.
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
February 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
January 2009
January 2010
March 2010

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its been 5 years...

& yet a moment of weakness (??) prompted me to send her a fb message, with a simple 'happy birthday.' & that was all...

its been 5 years la kannnnnnnn!!!!

=/


and again....its the new year already ?
ITS ALREADY 2010!!!


Its 2009 already ??


November oh November..

You have been all inspiring,
You have put me in awe with your amazement...

Yet truly...

You have shooked the very grounds upon which I stand
& you have rattled me off the fine balancing pole.

Full of ups & downs, emotions & hysterics. Drama, comedy & suspense.
You have made me smile...and you have made me wait in all eagerness...

November...
For I will truly remember more of the good stuff in november 2008...


The mixture of emotions is crazy. It is all flying around in circles above me. Swirling & sidewinding in a mini halo over my head. My hands are jittery too at the moment. The emotions, it is all causing a very big blur to blow up right now. I can feel all the goosebumps running up my spine in ecstasy.

No real words can explain how I truly am feeling....

Flabergasted, dumbfounded, stupid even are just momentary feelings. VERY SMALL words to describe SMALL MINUTE feelings that goes through my brain and heart at this present time. I keep asking why! I keep trying to calm myself from being to emotional. I've been chanting and murmuring praises to Allah just to stop me from breaking down into an emotional wreck. But the more I try to slow the fast blurry actions across my eyes, the more I chant Astargfirllah, and the more I try not to even THINK about... it is all wearing me so thinly down.

I really am feeling...

I am either so different from their thinking...

Or I am just stubborn.

Truly, I wish that I am the latter, so that the bad labels are just on me....for truly that is what I am wishing for...

...dotty dotty dot...

Sadly & hopefully the truth, for I am not one to rest on my laurels. Not one to just be contented and percieve life as an achievement to have stable things. I know there is more out there...and for every dream that I have tried to pursue & FAILED. I know...

for it will just bring me one step closer to the REAL DREAM. & I will savour the moment then, not as point to prove that they were wrong but as a savoury of sweet delicacies, for success (whenever I achieve it) will be sweet and I will remember this journey.

MasyaAllah. Kita Hanya Dapat Merancang Tapi Tuhan Tetap Menentukan Nya.

Patience is bitter but the fruits are sweet...


Okay okay...maybe the mad rush of blog post didnt come in...
haha...oh wells

here are the links for my KL & motoGP holiday pics...

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=35714&l=30ab1&id=614559543
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=35716&l=7c586&id=614559543
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=35717&l=63572&id=614559543
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=35719&l=cbe69&id=614559543
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=35721&l=495bb&id=614559543

& here are the links for my P6 melaka trip...

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=37383&l=5a6cf&id=614559543
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=37386&l=73a47&id=614559543
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=37396&l=9e9f0&id=614559543

November has proven to be a rather amusing & surprising month so far. I cant seem to go more than 24 hours for something to pop up and rock me off balance. From the very weird, to the unsurprising surprise, to an unexpected turn up, to some minor misunderstanding which is blowing way beyond preportions, and also to a discovery which is VERY time critical for me to react.

The need to shout it all out...

HEY ITS ONLY THE 5th!!

I wonder what else will unveil in November...


Oh man...
Oh man...
I really cant remember the last time when I was this damn excited!!!

A few more hours & *swoons* I'm leaving on a jet planeeeee...

See you on flight AK124 ;)


See you on the KL Monorail ;)


See you at Hotel Brisdale ;)


See you at Kuala Lumpur!!! ;)


& of course...see you at Sepang ;)


I just have a feeling, theres going to be a maddening rush of blogposts within these next few days *grins*


I am just a gargantous jumbo ball of emotions at this present time. Wondering when and how it all came to be this pile of mess. Stranger is, when did I realise that the bounce was atop of me. Sharp pain is pinching and poking me from inside the right of my brains as I wreck it to find the words to express myself. For it seems I am at a loss of words as well.

The need to burn off heat is so intense...

For it seems that I am finally relenting. The nett weight which I heave upon my slouched and mini excuse for shoulders is finally unable to be balance. To much to carry, to little space to rest upon. Is this burn out ?

No one seems to have the perfect answer. That aint a surprise of course, but it intrigues me how I am constantly disillusioned by her mistakes. Every little things seems to twitch me and it just appears that the irritation would appear to be bigger and BIGGER everytime. Not to mention the level of irritation.

And it doesnt surprise me that I have seem to be viewed as 'changed.'

Like a turtle it seems. Ducking under all the cross fire, or even shots upon me. Having my head hide, not to mention my limbs, inside my ever soft-er shell. They cant find me as much as they thought they would. For I have gone quiet. So so quiet that its very eerie honestly. I cant put a word to it. But how do you explain feeling weird when you had just set aside some time for yourself, and its ACTUALLY working but...

Is any of this blabbering making sense ??

Thinking hard to the past, I am. Its been a while since the 10th month had this effect on me. For I would normally be so ever cheerful at this point of the year. Things just dont. They dont stay constant and change is inevitable, necessary even to a large extent.

I still am trying to figure out.

I really am still trying to figure out how all this has gumballed into a very sticky ucky bubble yum of a mess. Very so very sticky the pink bubble yum. So so messy. I cant comprehend all of it with precise notion.

& I guess, I just have to soak into whats coming up. For I will ensure that I enjoy my first real holiday since November 2006. & its back to KL! where men will jerit ;) Sepang International Circuit, here I come. MotoGP, finally, I will get to see you. For I truly need this NOW!


One week of a dreaded october when I have been wanting to wake up from a 'not-so-bad' september...

I feel like Im on the wrong side of October... Plentiful of things just have not gone my way, & here I thought I was going to have a mammoth of fun in this month. Some times, well most times, things just wont go the way that we planned them to be...

on the plus side though, I am seriously glad I am still seeing her and we are still going out. Truly I am not sure how this will work out.


Above all else that has passed in this few recent weeks, I truly am going to miss my 'caveman' look. Refined or not, I suddenly feel amiss when theres no bushy feeling at my chin, or when I pucker up my lips and theres no hairy feeling. & of course I will miss too, the itchy feeling thats akin to something crawling up my nose. Hah!

its just starting out
the full caveman look
the 2days refined look
I am going to miss Ramadhan, for its presence was not fully utilised(by me). Its too late for regrets of course and I pray that I will meet the next in good health, InsyaAllah.

& Syawal...
& October...

They are here now, for its time for me to wake up -_-

...& I am uncertain still. I can only proceed and work with what I think I have...

& that means leaving my status in dots & complication ...I guess =/