profile.
Ridak & his RollerCoaster
This is his emotional ride.



Reliving
Intresting
Denials
About
K



talk.


Seeking their lights...
Adibah - Lady
Baeyah - jezbiggie
Baitina - tinatino0ot
Baizura - Aiz
Firdaus Jamaludin - lanang
Cha Cha
Haddad
Hafriz
Hurul'Ain - ms.secretary
Haslinah - LadyHackwrench
Liyana Ramli - lynn
Linda Eain - Lynn
Liyana J - LJ
Masnoraffis - lil'un / bond
Nadiah Yusof
Noraini - norot
Nurazima
Nurul Huda - Nunu
Rasyida
Roziemah - Ogy / r0zy
Shasha
Siti Raudhah - Anggunz
Suriana - Yana
Wardah - ms.salad queen / ruzmidah
archives.
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
February 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
January 2009
January 2010
March 2010

layout.
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Have you ever felt so...

Things up inside you that its just so...

The feelings so unexplainable...

Breaking down I would be, on the verge of self eruption I am.

somebody please help =/



Oh poor Rose no.2 =(
Just look at her, until the reserve coolant tank came off and had to be strapped like that.
=(

My skill is just so-so. Not!! Haha. I was posting not bad times at this morning's track practice. The warm up laps prior to the 5 lap challenge was not bad for me. My first experience having so many bikes on the track. Think there were definietly more than 40. With around 40bike on the track I still managed decent timings of 2:01 yet...

I told you I choke right. If not at the first hurdle, its the last hurdle.

During the 5 lap challenge, I had taken centre position at the grid. & I was off. The dreaded first corner with masses of bikes was my phobia at first. That passed and I thought not bad. I can actually still see the leader. & I was off chasing the pack overtaking many bikes in the process. Its a great feeling to overtake. But the dreaded BMW turn came and after overtaking another bike, I found myself jamming hard yet still hitting the gravel. Not bad skill, still on my 2 feet. The race is still on, can still try not to be behind Azri and the R6 ladyrider.

&...DOPE! I fell as I tried to move off in the gravel. CHOKER!!!

Oh well it'll just leave yet another burn mark on my pocket. Bleagh. Sorry eh Rose =(

Rose's bandaging done, I arrived home just by 2 and people finally sms me to go to Tati's wedding. Sampai hajat aku nak pergi. Haha. So this answers your question uh salad queen.

K yesterday as I was rotting at home, I came up with a great wedding topic to post up here. Bleargh should have typed it in yesterday. Today its totally gone from my head.

Congratulations to Tati Sofiana and her husband. ;)



Alrightey. Heres a question to answer for another saturday night spent at home.

Imagine this scenario. Erm well its not imagining for me of course.

You're invited to a wedding dinner cum reception to an old acquaintance. You appriciate the inviation alot. But the invitation is coming from the bride. A girl whom I barely spoke to when I knew her in poly. The most I would say is we exchanged a couple of sms-es here and there. Other than that, its really a hi-bye type of thing.

Of course, the friendship is important. Its always better to keep contacts than enemies, what I always thought of course. So tonight is the dinner and I have been for the past few days been trying to find people to go with.

K before that, obviously the invitation is normally sent as XXX & partner. Now what if like me...I dont have a partner. So it makes sense that I dont go over to the bride's reception alone, especially since I am not close to her. Like I said I was searching for people to tag along with, or accompany me, strangely I found that many of my other friends weren't invited. This are the people whom I think are closer to her. Hmmm...

Oh well so tell me how...? How am I supposed to attend the dinner ?


Oh...

can someone explain to me, why again am I still at home at this hour ??

Oh...


Its friday evening now...

Still in a muddle headed state where blurry eyes' vision descent towards the clock thats ticking, thinking that I am on my shift today. Inner feelings all compressed once more without a proper channel or avenue of expression. Yet all the words just flow easily from the fingers to the keyboard where its being displayed for your reading pleasure.

What am I still doing at home at this hour on an off day ??


Have you ever felt just URGH!!!

Everything is just going urgh for me now. And I mean everything is just going urgh.

Lets get yesterday's episode on PMS out k. Haha but still my female colleague just got on my nerves just now. I typed many a lines purposely in the course of the many hours I was enduring her blabbers to show her what I felt but anyway...

Oh well, that was that...

Everything is strangely running out of proportions at the moment. When I think about it, I really don't know what to say.

At the moment, my lifes a mess eiy ?!?

My guardian angel has gone missing on me. Realli missing the unique light that she provided ever so often back then. Think though she could be needing my light more now ? Ha!!!

The emailing frenzy that I had with ms.Divalicious seems to have quiten out. Shes probably busy with her life and school.

Did I say work was shitty ??

Oh! The old man is acting weird these days. Cant put the correct words to it but its weird in a worringly type of way :(

Ah and I just remembered why I am becoming so cash strap these days. Really, the autroscity of it all. The only reason that can make me smile and still be burnt at the pocket is because of Rose or Ezliana. Thats the only reason. -shrugs-

In such emptiness, the clouds of loneliness just never fails to seep in doesn't it ? Its really not a good feeling this loneliness. The rotting has became painful too. It doesnt really help much anymore, well not that it ever did in the first place btw. Haha :P

Yeah...the clouds are back I guess.
Lets just hope its a small drizzle and it doesnt last long.


Working in a female dominated environment really really tests one's patience. & I really mean test.

Imagine slugging around in an office for about nearly 13hours and all the colleagues around you are women!!! And I mean ALL!!! Even when you go to the cafeteria you will almost always be the only guy around.

With such circumstances, a night like this is almost inevitable (did i spell that correctly??)
Such was the precarious situations that made my blood boiling sak. What was wrong with all the women today...I mean tonight. Haha. Really!! All were like in PMS mood and unlucky me was the only guy in the office for all their vents. Urgh...

Even though the air cond was damn cold it still made me very agitated at their mood swings towards me. really testing my patience. Urgh...

When a guy acts in 'PMS' mood, he is called a jerk. But when its with women its just an excuse. Bleargh! Dont they dont use that excuse, the looks on their face...URGH!!

Stop making it as an excuse rather then a reason!!!

Urgh...

- Looks at female colleague as I am typing this, cause shes reading it -

She dare laugh at this post.

Urgh...


Rotting at home...
Behind closed locked door...
In a cool air conditioned room...
With loud music blaring from the speakers...

Did I say...
I was in a half daze manner the whole time...
Lullabying between lala land...
& making cameo appearances in fairytale land too...

Oh that sure beats meeting people outside
...I think

Oh of the sleeping, the rotting and the unconscious sleeping nowadays.


After the disheartening spectacle I behold on monday morning, it was no small wonder that I spent the rest of the day rotting at home. Bleagh.

But I have come to appriciate just 1 thing.

My true love for bikes. Think this is the only thing that doesnt seem to stop me from blabbering on and on. Hah. Think Lady Hackwrench witnessed that first hand uh the other day ??

I spent a good few hours at Azri's house today. And the small intention was just to view his old race suite. In the end, not only did I end up spending more time there, I even walked out of his house with a very filled tummy. His wife is a good cook. Heh.

Oh and I just found out his wife is a nurse. o0o0o. Haha.

Neway back to the full tummy. Spent like the hours there just talking about bikes with, how we're gona have a great track session this sunday. Shared tips and insight on how to improve each other's riding technique. Top it all off, I even have a race suite for Sunday's 5lap challenge at Pasir Gudang. No doubt la, its Azri's old suite, but hey who's complaining right.

Race suite for Sunday. Checked.
Full Tummy. Checked.
Lepak, chat about bikes. Checked.
Kacau anak Azri, sofea. Checked.

If not for the time, I think I would have been able to spend more time there and just talk about bikes all day. Heh strange how the bike makes me forget the world around me. Azri agreed too that it was a place of solace for people like us. We can forget everything and just throw all our heart into the track.

So I have my mind set on 1 thing for Sunday. To break the 2 min barrier for my lap time. I already have it at 2:01 thats not bad for someone with only 3 track sessions under his belt. Oh 1 more goal, make sure I must not be behind Azri for Sunday's 5 lap challenge.

Oh btw, Azri's daughter, Sofea who is so cute, is less than a year old (",)


Darn, this always happens to me =(

Bleargh! I am always hit by such stuff. Stuff that you thought only happened on the silver screen. I have my own screen though thats viewed by a select few, lucky individuals you. Hehe.

Bleagh! Thats me la. Always trynig to laugh it all off. Trying to avoid it all away. Not trying to display the sadness, the uh so real sadness. This is so apt since its following yesterdays shrink session. Ah, guys will always be guys for we always want to avoid and run away from real problems. We shall all laugh it off right about ...now!

Haha *sobs* Haha :(

All this is of course sparked by something. By a person, an individual related to her no less. And I so thought that I could move on. I am so damn wrong.

I was at the bike shop behind ITE Tampines. Was actually quite chirpy just now. Just viewed my ferrings. Oh they look fine, mighty sweet. All thats left is for the colour to be sprayed on and it would fit nicely back on Rose no2. Leaving that strech of road, that small small road, I saw someone at the sidewalk. He was walking towards ITE Tampines. He was so so familiar that I took a 2nd look while riding.

It was...

It was her brother. Her younger brother who is studying there was walking on the sidewalk. My look obviously caught his attention and he actually recognised me. Her brother still recognised me. We have spoken like ermm no more than the words on this post, yet he was able to recognise. Me with my helmet, on my bike that he has not seen before. And that kind dude even raised his arm at me signalling a hi none the less.

- Big Sigh of I dont know what -

She has been like totally out of sight for the past 2 months and now when I so thought that I could move on, I see her brother. This is just igniting the fuels that burn so deep inside of me. With the rain that just poured, my emotions is flowing the same way. That is why I just got to post this up. For I would be in a worst situation if Im not freely expressing myself, much.

Who would understand truly what I am going through...

Am I taking the correct path...for it always seem to cross the path that I should forget.


Can you believe that my intention has been unfulfilled from just now. I had been wanting to update since I returned home hours ago but my brain seemed to be just a complete blank, staring at the create page on blogger,
...till now...I guess.

Earlier in the day, I had attended my ex classmates wedding. Think I was quite close to her last time, considering that for most of the 2 years we were classmates, she sat right behind me. Ha, my school, or maybe it was just my O level class, that had a weird way of sitting students according to the class register. Which of course was in alphabetical order. This arrangement has set me up right in the front far corner of the classroom, just beside the main door. So Adibah, being alphabetically closest, was behind me. Ha.

If I remembered correctly, I could always get all the so called 'latest' news around the school from her. It was no strange reason then that she took up information studies at tertiary level. Oh well, that so much that I remembered about her anyway :P

Well I didnt really keep in close contact with her after the O's due to the fact I was in SP and the she was in TP. It was left much like that with occasional meet ups in groups till fate spins in a very strangely unique manner.

When I moved house a few weeks ago, the first few persons that I saw in the neighbourhood was Adibah's fiance. And know other place was he residing other than the apartment just above me. Small small world of singapore, and especially tampines.

Its no small surprise that my parents were invited to the wedding on the groom's side since we're neighbours. So they had gone to the groom's side, and I had gone to the bride's side. Nothing unusual about that right ?

Okay, I am trying as hard as possible to relay all the contents in my brain accordingly. For if I were to just type out what I want, think it wouldnt make sense ?? Bear with me yar :P

K, remember that I live on the groundfloor ? So the void deck space of my block is rather limited and space constraining, that the groom held their festivities at the block behind ours. So normal conversations upon my arrival home after the weddding reception led to my mum telling me that the block behind wasnt exacly appropiately nice to hold a wedding reception. She relak only suggested that when it came to my turn, lets just hold it at the block in front of the house. Meaning Block 125. Its also very convinient since its beside the road, very accesible. She also chipped in that if I thought the block in front was too small (for I thought and my big mouth uttered that 125's void deck seemed small, too) then maybe we can just set up tent at the carpark since there's an additional service area in the carpark. My oh my...my mum has started it all again with the kawin2 thingey *slaps forehead and shakes head in deep thoughts*

Now maybe you all understand why I told the story rather long winded ? for if I were to just post, 'oh my mum thought my future wedding should be at 125' would it have been much more funnier to read for you guys ?? Hahaha :P

At Adibah's wedding, the meet up with several secondary mates were normal. As usual people keep asking who's next. Oh and a very persistent Sue seems to want to know which guy will be first. There really doesnt seem to be any clear indication who it'll be first. Haha it didnt help especially with the type of questions I kept asking Ijah with regards to weddings and being just married. Oh btw Sue, if you're reading this, why not lead the way :P think you're the main one left from the girls ?? Or better still get hitched with any of the 'single' guys from our batch so there can be a 1st from the guys Haha.

About Adibah's wedding, just 1 more thing. Ms.secretary came alone and suddenly I was mr.secretary haha. Don't flake me k gurl for posting up the pic. I told you I'd do it :P
Congratulations once again to Adibah & Malik. InsyaAllah perikatan korang berdua hingga ke akhir hayat (",)


K ms.secretary, I'm sure this picture is a much better one compared to if I post the pic from beside our school library right ? Hehe.

--------------------------------------
Today's off day at night is a lil different. Didnt spent it rotting, much. Ha. Finally met up with Lady Hackwrench. Met up with Princess Rapunzel as well. I knew she was so damn familiar. Haha. Once again welcome to the small world of Singapore and smaller still Tampines.

Oh the crowd that I was relaxing with actally wasnt strangers. Somehow I've seen them around campus @ SP last time. I somehow knew they existed. Rapunzel, Big Sur and even mr.Psychology degree student. Haha. Hackwrench is of course from TP but our past is in a weird way interconnected in so many ways. So welcome to the real world of Friendster networking. Ha. You see the links up live.

At this point of time in the morning, my brain aint exactly functioning at its fullest. So pardon me that I cant remember much of what we all talked about except a very intresting topic led by the psychology student. "How to understand women's rantlings" Very mind bogglingly opening and enriching. Made me understand much of where I went wrong :( -siGh- Better late than never ?

Oh when I remember exactly the 3 magical phrases, I'll post it up. Or lin, lyd, sur ..can help ??

Lets leave that for another post. Really. It'll be worth it.

Oh I bumped into my sister when lingering around Tampines. The good thing is at least now she acknowledges my presence. Haha. I can still remember her childish teenage behaviour of trying so hard to avoid me out of the home. She doesnt like sharing friends. Haha, but as tertiary education made sure that alot of her contacts were my contacts as well, she generally acknowledged me. Haha. I think she thinks Im dating again just because she saw me with Lady Hackwrench. Oh well...

Lady Hackwrench...treasure your last few days here in your homeland yar. Make sure you come back with a degree :P

- Point to note. Always try to get a chair facing the TV when you lepak at Simpang Bedok. Your neck will strain after a while, espeially if you're concentrating on Rossi and his Yamaha M1 overtaking.

And shocker news. Sgt hotstuff has sold his fireblade and going public. Haha. That is so random. K gotta find myself a 1pc racing suite fast. 23rd is approaching. Did I mention I sold off my 2 pc suite ?? Oh well...

I am begining to find this entry draggy already. Bleargh.


Saturday night spent in the office is just great isnt it.

My injuries never seem to be over aint it ? Be it internally, externally or emotionally...

Hey anyone seen my guardian angel recently ? Oh I am so missing your presence ...


Remember when my right leg had a posterior hip dislocation. Remember how it hurt so badly lying down in bed for 15 days with a cast on your leg half the time. Remember still how all the activities you werent supposed to be indulging in still went on. Finally remember the most recent takraw game you had with all the selang seli and acros. Yesh remember waking up feeling like you're in hospital cost you THOUGHT you had only one leg.

Now try visualising instead how all that wonderful pain just doubles up because of something called a PCL tear. Visualise a stubborn 24 year old guy who knew deep in his heart that takraw was the limit, yet he still thought he was the young 14 year old who could run up and down the left flank of a football field with some decent football touches. Visualise that he could only last around 1/2 hour on a small basketball court playing futsal before the swelling on the right knee returned. Oh not to mention the pain that came with all the jerk stopping impact on the knee & hips!!

I am in so much pain & not to mention out of breath. I need freeze spray, deep heat whatever you want to call it. I need it all now. The best part is I am working later on in the evening. Its almost noon and I have yet to catch any snooze time.

I am so not gona wake up in time...

And this is so gona cost me and my knee actions 15 - 20 years from now.


And so the king finally takes his rightful position on the throne...
& lived happily ever after ...??

In a very lazy state, after taking a 17 day break from work, I made my return. Returning to work with a bang, coming in and taking my position finally as shift leader. Haha. Me ?? My calibre is a shift leader ?? Haha I know just about nuts with IT and I am tasked as the shift leader. Wonder what the manager saw in me :P

Well environment wise, the data entry girls all seemed to miss me. Haha. For they couldnt work in such a quiet environment anymore. It was an intresting feeling knowing people miss my character. Now thats twice in as many days that I get that feeling. Now I am in calamity central. Not really knowing how and when to put what character up front.

-shrugs-

And my procastination is really killing me, again!!
I should really get some things done. Get it over and done with. What a lazy bummer I am.
Oh well...

Now the Jedi Knight is overlooking at his vast empire. Thinking cautiously wheather or not to expand his territory into the unknowns or to to just grow his small empire slowly but surely.

The only darth vader this Jedi Knight sees is the evil personna deep inside of him. For he really is confused at the moment. Just too many things jumbling up and all is so noisily chaotic and yet it is so quietly still too. Ironies within ironies.

to be the best, I will...
sitting on the throne, I am not yet...


Just put it simply, its not impossible no more as it has been shown. The path has been cleared by dear Mr.Khairullah Khan. Thank you very much, it was all so heart waming and very honestly sincere and touching. It is no longer impossible...

The return marks what could be an eventful date in my life...but lets see how everything unfolds okay.

Familiarity strikes in a very uncanny and what seems to be hostile environment, when actually it is just me. All about me and my stupid and non-earthly ego though everyone seems so friendly and ever warming with arms streched out ready to embrace my return.

Oh well, met my ms.hourglass' mum the other day & she actually remembered me ?? gosh!! Haha. I can imagine the menteri laughing now. haha k k..she remembered menteri as well. The bigger surprise was actually how ms.hourglass seemed so insisting that I meet her mum :p I was quite a distance away when menteri was already talking to her mum. After failed attempts with a few eye contact and bodily gestures, she gave up and mouthed the words for me to come over. I was so smiling inside my heart (",)

Oh another surprise, her mum knows that she fell off the bike with me. And the mum was genuinely asking if I was okay haha. That said, her mum even told me to be the pillion behind ms.hourglass next time haha ;P

At the end of it all, Nisha was teasing me with one thing. What if mak dia mintak sebagai hantaran the ultimate incentive ? Menteri & I readily agreed that we would both hit it instanteanously. Bluekkk :P

K anyway Kudos to Mr.Khairullah Khan once again. You've done us all proud.


Oh theres a special request by menteri Cypher-Z to post our photo up. Oh well this is THE ONLY CLEAR PIC OF US FROM THE OTHER NIGHT!!!

Stupid night mode! Stupid camera phone!!Bleargh I miss my Nokia 3230!!!
-siGh-
Okay thats it, I want my N91!!!


Whats more is there left to say...right ??

Happy would have been 42nd month.


Eh today I've spent a few countless hours trying to so called configure this site of mine.

I am torn between 2 groups of people which 1 party says the tagboard is way too big in width. That it even spills into the main post frame. If it werent for a dear friend who showed me the screen shot, I wouldnt have believed it myself.

Cause theres another group of people who tell me the page is perfectly fine!! oh I could do with adding links, more pictures blah3 yabedah3...that sort of thing.

So how ??

My own view is that its perfectly visibly fine. But I just dowant to dissapoint you fans, in being unable to enjoy fully the words that flow from my brain. Haha. Cause it saddens me, when the first avid reader (cheT* I feel so prideful) told me of the so called blurr. I could feel that she genuinely wants to see all the words. Hah. Thanx yar audy (",)

K back to the question so how ??
Bleargh Im torn and im tired trying to keep reconfiguring only to see it as the same, perfectly fine. Yet still have 2 camps telling me its still fine, and the other wing telling me its still to big!!

I am tired. I feel like going for a spin. I feel like calling up a certain mrs. and go riding with her. Damn Kai, asal ko tanak masuk JB ngan aku malam ni.

Haha k that aside, is it that difficult to decipher my nick and its message content ? Its not that difficult right to decipher RIDAK & his Rollercoaster. Reliving Intresting Denials About K. I even bold certain alphabets ( K wait, lemme check...erm yah k bold) to easen things up. Oh well, kalau da bengap tetap bengap. Haha. Kai, muscles will always remain muscles no matter if you carry 40 pounds or 20 pounds.

On a lighter note, yesterday I played takraw with new found neighbourhood buddies, who are so-so childish. Pains me to hear them speak mcm budak2 baru nak naik. Nak bantai sana sini. Ish3. Well you guys make great takraw mates, thats all I have to say.

This afternoon, I woke up to a very stiff leg. I almost thought I only had 1 leg. I know I shouldnt have done the acros' yesterday. But nooooooo!!! mr. ex-SP player who was only a reserve wants to do it all, even if he hadnt played takraw since he was a reserve for the PCG takraw team. Haha.

Oh well...

I've read through a few blogs tonight. Intresting really how a new breed of malay yuppies are sizing up. Heh, some I'm proud to read, others Im just more intrested in the raunchy details on display. Haha.

Anyway I cleared some things in my brain. I am not waiting for any letter. Rather it would be a phone call, InsyaAllah this week. So i got to remain up during office hours, all ready to say, "Yes I'd be glad to take up that postion." Now2 ...where was all that talk about not counting the chicks before they hatch again ??

I gotta change my routine. I sleep as the sun rises...and I awaken as it sets. How am I supposed to recieve that phone call. Damn.

So anyone want to go riding tonight ...heh ?

& I still am not unable to configure my tagboard. Shit I'm still it.


...if it wasnt meant to be, it wasnt meant to be...

I think I'm remembering the old me. The teenager me. The short, unpopular, ridiculed, pimpled infested, often teased at, chubby lil kid of me. The one who said next faster then you could think...I think. Haha.

Life is always about moving on. Though back then I lacked whatever 'things' I have now, I made up for it with a zestful spirit that just moved on. I wasnt very emotional back then. Maybe cause I didnt have any emotional people to fall back on. Some how I zombified my way through 4 years of secondary life without much emotions, till the big 'O's were due. Everyone suddenly gelled up together and fostered closer bonds. I started from then to have friends that I could pour out emotionally. And from there, with time, the list just grew.

1 thing that definietly adds up is, when you're emotionally more stable, somehow you just achieve more. Thats what I realise.

But with all the emotions that I was learning to handle, also came the downsides. The start of the emotional rollercoaster ride also began somewhere around that time of my life. Weird uh, how you can achieve more yet also be troubled more.

Presently, I so want to get back to my young and teenage years. To be able to move on quickly and nimbly. To just say next to every rejection that I face.

The light that was once so bright that was leading me to standing straight is now a fade distant away. It still shimmers once in a while but Im not too hopeful anymore. I'm starting to realise this that sometimes you just gotta enjoy whatever that comes in your path and not ponder on it too much.

Maybe now the balance of emotions is shifting again. Maybe its finally going to be stable ?

...if it wasnt meant to be, it wasnt meant to be...


Kita hanya mampu merancang, Tuhan juga yang menentukan...

Ever wondered how long our life will ever be ?
Like I'm sure everyone of us keeeps thinking, Awww I'll get that done tomorrow. What if tomorrow never comes ? What if our life were cut short ?

Well, not exactly cut short but what if it was intended...that our fate was to be only this short ??

When situations around us occur and things drastically take a change in the wrong direction, only then do we seek to realise the importance of such questions.

I was at a wake just now. A sorority sister's younger brother had just passed away. Al-fatehah to the late Muhd.Syukri bin Abdul Samad. Life was cut short for him at the dear age of 22.

In this season of serious bike accidents, that was the 1st thing that came to my mind when I recieved word. Alas, though the way he passed on didnt seemed to be ghastly, it sunk in deeper later on. 1 whole day after the death, many hours after the body was safely buried, I could still see the dark rings around the sister's eyes. How she must have wept for her beloved brother. How could someone so young lose his life to an asmathic attack ? and for someone who had for many years no record of asthma, someone who had completed his NS in a fit and healthy manner at that. I personally spoke to the father and I could feel the sadness in his voice when he repeated the way and story how his son moved on.

In a strange way, a good buddy found himself in hospital too...

Mr.Teacher who has a history of nerve problems was warded late last Saturday. ermm..Sunday morning to be exact. I went to visit him twice, sunday night and monday evening. He was already fine and chirpy especially with good buddies around.

I cant exactly remember what it stands for but hes suffering from AVM. Simply put urat terpleot, and i mean it literally. Well wishes to you mr.teacher. Get well yah.

All this happens when I'm having complications with my shoulder. Heh. Its been an on off pain attack towards the shoulder. Sigh, MC is ending soon. Have to bring back my lazy butt to take charge of my shift again. Bleargh.

Wonder if the letter will ever come this week ??

Kita hanya mampu merancang, Tuhan juga yang menentukan...


It's amazing how 1 little post, letting out all your random thoughts really help alot. Period.


I dont want to lose to much of the essence in today's post, so it'll be in point form mostly;

- I am starting to fear rejection again.
- well its all a number game anyway.
- I still am rotting much at home.
- I am starting to like going out with older women *gasp*
- Janda's make great company too *bigger gasp*

K at this point I'm visualising too much gasping, Oh well its my life anyway.

- I still visualise the age 27, though not certain with what actually.
- I'm starting to be high & dry again.
- Kota Tinggi is awaiting at the end of the month.
- Strangely the left arm is hurting more now.
- The antibiotics side-effects is kicking in again with my constant toilet visits.
- point to note* Don't look down on any group of women again.
- Lady riders are damn hot!
- Strangely I'm looking forward to going back to work...next friday :P
- After 1 week, there has been less then 5 comments on all my photos. Bleagh.

K that cleared my mind so far.
By the way, I still havent caught Superman :(
I watched another movie instead, Just my luck...its a great chick flick haha.

The movie just moved me with 1 great essence, to find that someone who is perfectly right for you in all the wrong ways. =(

Gee! Im being emotional again.


I was chattin with dear ms.Divalicious when some phrases from the chat is giving me provoking thoughts...

- has been edited -

RIDAK: i actualli stupidly applied, though i know i wudnt make da cut
RIDAK: stupidly...dont know why
RIDAK: ive tried to many things
RIDAK: which is makin me more n more afaid of rejection
Divalicious: patut u shd be like dah kebal dgn rejectn
Divalicious: no impact
RIDAK: i was once like dat
RIDAK: haha...zaman teenage years
RIDAK: tink..as yu grow older...
RIDAK: yu tink yu can tahan more...wen in fact...
RIDAK: ur more emo unstable
RIDAK: org ckp...makan dlm nye

Dont know what really thought provoking...
Bleagh, she called me odd -pokes Divalicious-


Life has a strange and weird way of teaching us stuff, as well as a unique blend of complications to get things done.

It is always about Karma. What goes around comes around. Damn it, I know this stuff yet why do I get myself entangle in it. Why does it shock me when it comes around to hit me. Why does it genuinely surprise me and why does it take me so many seconds to realise that what I had done in the past is coming back to haunt me.

In a strange and weird way, events of the past few weeks have been unravelling like fine chapters of a best selling novel. From finding new acquaintances, to being left in a lurch, to realising almost all is lost & to also be reading starking yet unsurprising news. The rekindling of old members, to finding the joys of travelling, to be feeling used by people, to be settling in a new environment, revisiting the a&e and the familiarity of rotting at home.

At the end of it all everything just comes back in full circle. Karma will come full circle always as I have been observing. Oh well...

In all honesty, do people really learn well from the past or is it just me ??


...& I thought I was superman for a while...

She was my dream machine, all I ever wanted when I first attained my license. So it was a real tremondous feeling when I finally got my keys to 1. I remember the date clearly. My TP was on 1st February 2005 and I was still 2 months more to ORD. That morning I had woken early and ensured I was in the best state to take the test. Many hours later I was whizzing in a SRAD750. Gleefully enjoying the rush that comes together when riding a class2 bike. I was in dreamland.

I had kept her in the dark about me taking the license and buying the SRAD. No wonder she was puzzled when I sold my Super4. She was very upset, I could tell for she really didnt like to sit on the wave. God knows why. And it was always a topic of debate. So that why I made sure I gave her a pleasent surprise, for she liked surprises. That day we had made plans for dinner and I would meet her at Bugis after her work. I made sure I was not too early so she would not spot me. I parked the bike quite far away and even hooked my helmet on the bike to give the impression I had put the helmets in the box. Heh little would she know...

She was overjoyed. She was in a state of shocked too. But in all honesty she seemed happy for me as I had attained my dream bike I had always talked about. The Suzuki SRAD 750.

That was somehow to be the only real happy moment I remember Mardiana and Mar no.2
-shrugs-

4th of July 2005 was a monday. I had the monday blues at work. I had just attained a new post. Decked in my shirt, pants and tie...and not forgetting my blazer. Ahh I felt so smart and honoured to be wearing one. The day though seemed so busy. I was running practically everywhere ensuring things tried to go as smooth as possible. Maghrib came and I had promised to meet Mr.Teacher to meet his uncle.

We were there probably less than an hour. We created small chatter with his uncle. I tried in vain to put up my best show but I was really tired. But never the less it was a worthwhile trip. I remember something very stark. The uncle distinctly told me to ride safely as we made our leave. Never did I expect.

Ever since I was doing sales, I had always returned home late. Very rarely was I at home let alone be able to sit and have dinner with my family. A few days earlier, my mum had spoke up asking me to have dinner at home.

That day, my heart moved. My heart moved enough for me to not go meet my friends for dinner. I wanted to eat at home and spend some time with my family. I sent mr.Teacher to meet his cousin and I was off zooming home. Ahhh it was a real pleasure after a long time, to sit at home and have dinner. I cant remember what I had but it was rice with alot of gravy. My stomach was filled and so were my parents hearts.

I took a bath and I really remember something telling me not to go out again. Being me, I just couldnt stay at home at night. A few minutes before 10 and I was out of the home again, heading to meet my friends with the intention of going JB later on. I kissed my parents hands and left the home. It all seemed normal. I had met everyone except my 1st sister. She wasnt home.

Well, I did manage to catch my sister. As I left the carpark she was riding back into the carpark. With a beep of my horn, I zoomed off. The ride was normal, everything felt normal. Never would I expect...

I used the Jalan Eunos and Sims Avenue junction everyday. And it was a just another pass tonight or so I thought. I rode as per normal. Not that slow but definietly not that fast. When I approached that junction, strangely enough I seemed to be the only vehicle heading in the direction of Marine Parade.

A taxi suddenly came turning out of no where. Damn I was so close to the junction already. I couldnt possibly have time to evade if I tried to brake. I went with my guts and just pulled my bike as much as to the left as possibleeeeeeeeeeee....

Whammmmmmmmmm!!! Bam!!!! Arghhhhh....

The taxi hit my bike hard, that I remember. The next vision was that I was in the air and I thought I was superman for a while. I was about to land arghhh!!!

I opened my eyes yelling 'Allah' as I brought my upper body up. I was in a total lying position. All was so chaotic at that moment. Everything seemed to move in slow motion since I made my take-off. My limbs were hurting bad, especially my right arm. I couldnt get up. I tired to but I couldnt get up. I saw my watch had broken into pieces =( , the last gift from her =(

Everything then suddenly moved so fast. People were asking me if I was okay. They took my helmet off and tried to make me comfortable. Only at this moment I realised I couldnt move my right leg. And my God it was totally out of position. It was on my LEFT!!!

Thank God for all the help I recieved that night. A surgeon happened to be there and he placed me in the best possible manner to avoid any complications and further pain to my body. It only worked a little. I was in so much pain!!!!

In all the chaos, I was able to provide someone my home number. I was givern word that my parents were on the way. It was so near to home. After so many minutes did I finally think about my bike, my lovely bike =( I looked in the direction of where my bike could have been. All I saw was a smashed up taxi against a post in the middle of the pavement. I was then thinking is it that bad ? But I couldnt see my bike.

The ambulance finally arrived and so too did my parents. I was quite stable by then. And I meekly said,'Hi mum.' She must have been in total shock for she didnt say anything as she saw the paramedics put on a neck brace on me. I was totally unable to move my right side. As they brought me up into the ambulance, I saw more of the accident scene. It was still quite chaotic especially with the darkness. It was only around what...1030pm so there were still many people, especially since this junction was just beside Enuos Interchange, Just behind Darul Aman mosque. MasyaAllah, what a place to accident.

I remember the paramedics telling me to calm down and that I would be okay. I was quite sure I wasnt high or anything but I could tell him cheekily, 'Dont worry its not my time yet' haha. Somehow that shut him up. Hah..and we finally reached Changi General.

1 funny thing about being in pain and in a&e is that they keep taking your stats, many times over. And too many doctors and nurses asking me where Im in pain, when at that point of time I kept yelling..."my leg!! my leg!!" for it was totally numb already and I could feel such a sharp pain.

Put under anisthetic, they did a simple procedure to pull my leg back into position. What next I could remember was going through many rounds of x-ray until I was finally wheeled into ward36.

Ward36 Bed 38. This I will never forget too for the first time I land in hospital. I was still grogy and in pain but I remembered the nurse putting my leg into some sort of cast. I cant remember what its called but its to make sure the dislocated joint doesnt run up. All this as I was in semi conscious state. Awake and asleep constantly through out. Still give me the jitters when I think about this painful moments.

The so called best part of it came, I think, at around 5am. I was given a sponge bath by 2 nurses. yahoo. Haha. Giler eh. But that time I was in too much pain. I still remember the nurses. 1 was a filipino while the other was a singaporean. Her name was nurse siti maisarah. ahaha, my favourite nurse in the ward ;P That first bath though was traumatic for the the filipino kept forgeting I was in pain and the tenyeh punya tenyeh the sponge on me...AH!!!!

Finally morning came. The doctor came over and explained what I had been through and they were still waiting for. I had a fractured right scapula, posterior right hip dislocation and multiple abrasions across my back.

People came and people went as the visits poured in over the next 14days!! Yes I was warded for 14days and in Complete Rest In Bed mode a.k.a CRIB. So i was not allowed to leave my bed for that same period. No wonder I got bed sores. And during this time too The doctor found out I had a tear in my right knee ligament, either a PCL or ACL. Which is finally known now as a small tear in the PCL and of which I have still to be treated for. Bleargh.


During this time too, a metal plating had been inserted to mend my shoulder. All 6 inches long of the metal. And it creates a permenant 6 inch scar as well...

All along, some one was beside me all the way. She stayed as much as she could as she was leaving for OZ on the 14th. It was a great 10 days to be honest. We were suddenly closer again. No more small quarrels, no small disagreements, just plain bliss for the 10days that we had.
-siGh-
For that I must really thank you for having been at my side in my darkest hour. I will never forget that and I will always appriciate it.

Oh...how could I not mention about what happened to my bike. Let you all see what happen la.
It broke into 2 pieces. Imagine that. The taxi hit me at such a speed that the metal body frame can brake!!!

And so that was my painful experience of July 2005. Started from the 4th of July where I gained my so called independance. It was this fateful day at approximately this time last year when it happened. For I still have yet to move on properly from this event in my life. Its more of an excuse now then a reason.

For it was that fateful day.


I so thought I was done with numbers. I guessed not. Ha.

Well, I guess I'm at least done with the negative numbers. For today is such a wonderful day. -jumps around in joy- argh, think I cant do that much for fear of injuring myself. Guess why ?

Remember my so called freak accident thingey on the 15th. How I unexpectedly landed myself in Changi General Hospital A&E and spent like 5 hours there, only to get 2 days MC. Heh, today was the follow up appointment. So the doctor wasnt my surgeon, it was another orthopaedic. He asked standard questions, relating to my old accident, the procedures and surgeries I went through and also asked with regards to the 15th incident and how I was faring now. In all honesty, I didnt keng much. Haha. True I was hoping for 1 day MC, but MasyaAllah he gave me a total of 8 days MC (",)

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee -swings arm wildly- Oopss i aint supposed to be doing that aint I ??

Haha. Oh and I'm being refered to a dermatologist again, not for my face, but my body this time. There seems to be an epidemic around my scar at the shoulder, and its fugly. Aiyo.

I straight away thought of numbers when I saw the number of days on the MC. Think about how much I can claim from my insurance for this 'accident,' how many days I dont have to work. Haha, when I called up my manager, he even said, aiyah wasted lah your mc cause of your off days. Haha...what a great manager hehe.

Im so having numbers in my head. Anyway what an apt date to get mc. Today is my bikes death anniversary. The date of my accident is exactly 1 year ago, on this date. I will never forget 4th July 2005. Really. Well I'll speak more of that at approximately 2215h. Your guess why that time la eh. Hah.

Other numbers...
with regards to 4th July, its Indepandance day. Hah well nothing concerning USA but lets just keep that to the later post.

4th July is also the birthdate of a few friends.
Lady Hackwrench is one of them. This dear friend of mine known through some weird connections, only to find so many other connections from the past turns 23 today! Gasp! Happy birthday you. I read your blog entry already and I hope you really succeed in what you want to conquer for Ive been there. (Check my birthday blog post ;P)

Then theres Rafidah karate. Dont know if she reads this or not, but happy birthday to you too. The pride of the singapore karate team. woohoo...and she got the brains to with it. NTU sey, dont play play. Eh girl, when is your invitation card going to arrive at my house lah.

Also birthday wishes to Athiyah. Did I spell that correctly ? Ah shall just call you nurse yaya (",) hehe...think I want to take you out of my little black book already since its your birthday :P hehe.

Gosh thats 3 people I know. Talk about numbers man. K k, I want to rest this tired arm thats in 'pain' haha.


When we finally finish toying around with all the numbers and figures in our life, reality bites!

Theres this burning question inside of me. Today it spilled out in my sub conscious state on bed. It asked me as if a person was before me, if my rantlings here in cyberspace were really working ? Or would I have been better off as the overflowing kettle that I once was. A kettle where no one truly understood, not even my significant other halves at certain points of my life.

That was the frustration they encountered. Now this frustration, I am running through it myself. It is so true that ignorance is bliss, yet it is also so damn true that reality bites hard!

Funny how the 100th posts had made me thinking backwards abit uh ?

Oh well...


And so the posts have finally accumulated to a nice number of 100.

Life is all about numbers some times isn't it ?

When we were little...its about the first few steps we made, or how many words we could speak, or how many funny things we can do at that age.

As we grew it was how high we were...or how heavier (or lighter) we've got.

When we finally hit schooling age, it was the size of our uniforms, the number of books to carry, the number of cool erasers we had and of course the number of red marks in our record books.

Then slowly it became the number of friends we had, the number of crushes we had and also yes the number of hands we touched. Think at that age though, it was plenty. haha...remember one finger on your lips, the other hand hold your partner. Then the guys would go in disgust, euww, at that very thought. Little would we knew that would count as our practise.

The number game soon increased to who got the higher marks and whus PSLE aggregate got them into the better school. Back in my time, puppylove developed only when we were in secondary school (or at least for me). So it was a case of how many admirers you could get (or didnt get). The number game also was funnily for some, how long can they stay single...or even how long will they ever be single haha. Those were the funny numbers back then.

It later still revolved around studies but the numbers were how many topics and subject you could juggle. How many A's can you score. For some, its also how many teachers you can suck up to. Oh I hated those bunch.

The vast change from PSLE to the major exams in secondary was that the number was not meant to be higher. Bigger numbers werent the in thing anymore. Everyone wanted a smaller number. single digits are the best. Any 2 digits starting with a 2 was considered nightmare, or even the end of the road.

Then the number of choices laid upon us. 2 direct routes...followed by numerous numbers, all clearly defining how good a certain instituion or certain course were. Heck I would have used all those numbers for a good game of UNO anytime.

The juggling game continues with the number of subjects and this increases with the number of hours spent with the other half. This of course applies to those lucky ones. Those 'unlucky' ones spent their juggling time with other 'unlucky' one.

At this junction of life, a certain number game would have started. A number game that starts with the $ in front. Everyone would also intrested with this numbers. Heh.

Most would learn how to manage and handle moolah numbers at this age. Most also would have experienced the joy and satisfaction of earning their own keeps. This learning phase also teaches them the real value of $$. The numbers dont just add up by its own. It takes precious numbers of your daily time to earn them.

So with the passing of school, guys go through the routine of counting how many months left to ORD, be it they had just be enlisted the day before. Haha. K maybe not till that extent, but it'll be counting down definietly. Like 3 more weeks to POP. Then 5 more weeks to promotion. Or 28days leave to clear. Before finally you'd hear them count honourably to the beat of the marching drums, & suddenly they have ORD ;)

The female species though would have had a head start in the real greenback chase. Counting and counting the numbers that add up preciously in their account books. For the minah kawin2, they will be counting how much will be needed to hold their grand wedding while for others they will just spend their money away on their pradas, gucci or coach materials, which by the way they can also attain at low low prices with the same looking tag too at the corner of sungei road. Hehe ;P

And so it has come to this, the world revolves around numbers. Yet if we were to think, we would never ever achieve the largest number, for it is infinite. Yet why are we all always in our life obsessed with numbers ??

Im asking myself this same thing now. Why be obsessed with the 100th post when in fact no one really cares ?

-siGh-

Was in a small bout with the evil thoughts in the middle of the night yesterday. Those evil voices appeared with the flashing lightning and roaring thunders that accompanied the torrential downpour in the wee hours. In the end, that kept me awake. Awake enough to remember that today is a certain's friend birthday. Numbers again.

Haha. This can go on forever I tell you and I still would not know whats the real reason numbers are being blabbered upon.

To 'sheikin', my dear lecture/tutorial mate from SP, the one who helped me wake up just in time to rush to the all important lab test heh, happy 24th birthday girl (",)

A very significant number in life eiy ?
Heh...well life is truly about numbers to a certain extent but like all things its us that makes the things important and happen, not the things itself. The numbers can never just increase so much if we never do anything right ? ....right ??

For the numbers in time do no stop, so thats 1 thing out of our control.
or so you think ;P


My shoulder is acting up again. Is it really due to the long riding hours that I had endured ? Is it because I am going back to work on tuesday ? Or is it because I have a medical appointment with my surgeon on tuesday...so I can ask for a freaking long medical leave ?

I am missing the peace and tranquility the kampung provided. It was awesome while it lasted albeit only for 1 night. That short getaway has stabilised my mind a little. I am not worrying so much why I have rotted the whole of this sunday. It doesnt even bother me much that no one is really responding to my text messages. The surreal environment which is still fresh in my mind has taught me something new and rejunvenating.

I am desiring for something different and new now. I aint quite sure what it is. Heck I aint sure even if its right before me...but I know the trip has helped a bit. Lets just hope this new and rejuvenated me is going to last long. Ha.

I have spoken to a few people about having an audioblog. I always seem to be having constant thoughts on my minds at the wrong moments. During the ride up and down, I was constantly talking to myself aloud. Thoughts of bubble were right there being flashed on my helmet visor something akin to a chat box. Trrrrrrr it all went out typed neatly from my brain. Now when I try so hard to think of those wonderfult thoights of mine that I wanted to voice out and blog, its kinda gone. Hmm...this is a thought uh.

So # 99 is teaching me this values which is cool actually.
Like I said, I may not be certain of what that new desire is, but I know I really am desiring for a change. Please God, let me move on a little more yah. Amin.

- silent and brief moment of do'a -

Hey you all, help me come up with cool captions yah ? & for those who've never tagged nor commented, I really would appricate your help now. Just come up with intresting captions so I can relive those FujiFilm moments (",) Thanx a million.

1) 2) 3)
4) 5) 6)
7) 8) 9)
10) 11) 12)
13) 14) 15)
16) 17) 18)
19) 20) 21)
22) 23)
Should I be putting the captions myself ? Haha...let you all have fun in inputting the captions. Lets see how weird you people think of some of the precarious situations. Haha.

Another thing the trip had taught us is the value of our beloved machines. We would all now have been bonded with the machines more. Especially after knowing their long distance push and limits. *chuckles* People who have talked to their bikes would understand this part. When you least expect it, you just request that little bit more from you bike. Haha.

And so I know too whats Rose no.2's capabilities. Know her on the track and know her for the touring scene. Maybe I can just push a little bit more. Think she could be thinking, "This owner of mine can certainly be more skilled than this" Haha.

...so this is # 99.