profile.
Ridak & his RollerCoaster
This is his emotional ride.



Reliving
Intresting
Denials
About
K



talk.


Seeking their lights...
Adibah - Lady
Baeyah - jezbiggie
Baitina - tinatino0ot
Baizura - Aiz
Firdaus Jamaludin - lanang
Cha Cha
Haddad
Hafriz
Hurul'Ain - ms.secretary
Haslinah - LadyHackwrench
Liyana Ramli - lynn
Linda Eain - Lynn
Liyana J - LJ
Masnoraffis - lil'un / bond
Nadiah Yusof
Noraini - norot
Nurazima
Nurul Huda - Nunu
Rasyida
Roziemah - Ogy / r0zy
Shasha
Siti Raudhah - Anggunz
Suriana - Yana
Wardah - ms.salad queen / ruzmidah
archives.
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
February 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
January 2009
January 2010
March 2010

layout.
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resources: x

*phew*

Though the task at hand was not accomplished but other things were accomplished never the less. Okay maybe not other things, just 1 thing. Hah. The positive thing that I could pull from it was that it was done. I did it, with out much fun fare. I just did it. Just like how Nike says it, "Just do it."

Thanks alot dear Zee. She was pushing me all the way ...haha. In her own crude and cruel way but I think I would have prefered her style than any else's at that moment. & thats the reason I ran to her for help. Haha.

Now that at least 1 thing is off my mind, there is so much less tension. There is more things that I can think off. There is more space for me to breathe in less panicky action. Heh. I just couldnt believe the jittery state I was in during that short short moment. My speech was slur & Im sure I was behaving oh so-not-me. A good thing I managed to salvage from the incident is a lil phrase that went,"aww so sweet." haha...giving me butterflies in me tummy I tell you. I can sleep well tonight and look foward with much brighter light bulbs.

Oh well...

I can concentrate fully on the 2 power packed action events for tomorrow now.
And maybe...just maybe a little thing called spontanuety will come into play (",)


I aint sure what I truly desire at the moment. Everything inside of me seems to want to let it out. The signals that I do emit though are short burst of frequencies. I dont know who can translate all those signals but 1 things for certain I have yet to do it correctly to the person in mind.

I am just a handful of confused twines that make an oddly shaped ball. I dont know what exactly I want. I dont know how exactly to express what I want. I dont know no shit at the moment. I dont even know if blabbering in cyberspace is the way to go...

What I do know is I dont want to miss out on the oppurtunity to have let it out. When I recollect my thoughts and think of certain situations, I shake my head in disbelief as I had squandered several wonderful chances to let out my inner desires. Now, it may not be the greatest of timing but if I wait any longer, will there be a better timing ??

Its tearing me from withing. Scratching the walls of my rib cage slowly from the insides. Tearing the muscles down with constant blows of anguish. Knocking down this once fully confident man into tatters. I am at a dire crossroad.

This will serve as my testiment to the future then, should anything...good or bad...turn out from what ever it is that I am planning to do. & of course if I ever get to do it. Just picking up the damn phone to dial her number can be such an impossible task. When I did on 2 occassions get the number dialled, I hurriedly scattered to hang the phone up before the ringing began. OH just what is wrong with me!!

:(


I am having trouble making contact. Thats just about it...


I cant keep a clear and level head. I just cant find out what is hindering me. What is it that transparently blocking my surge forward...

Ideas, thoughts, murmurs, discussions and self prep talks have been plenty in abundance these past few days. Surprisingly it just doesnt not flow as smoothly out the brain/mouth whenever the monitor is facing me. The fingers cramp up on me, they fail me as the natural downward stream of vibes stops just short of the keyboard. I cant understand it. I really cant.

But then again, no one is complaining right ? Righttt...Heh!

Until the wonderful vibes vibrate then.




What I was feeling in a reverse dingy sort of way, earlier this evening...
Keeping silent it seems is never correct. For when you keep silet, you could be consenting to alot of things which you didnt do nor did you agree to. Keeping quiet just allows for words, plety of them, to be stacked neatly in rows into the mouth en route to the throat. That is when one is keeping silet.

Saying what you think in tempremental fashion is no different. Its just doubles the trouble of keeping silent. Im sure many readers would agree to this conclusion of mine. Thats blowing your lid some say.

What about answering a question, in a very calm, well mannered & dare I say "asnwering the question" type of way ?? For when one tries to answer the question, one should try to derive all possibilites, and to get to that, one has to gather as many facts as possible. My view is that the main question should be answered first, and any repeat topics that is consistently brought up would be reiterated. Well what seems a very simple question always seems to get out of hand.

For the upteenth time, a pause when someone is giving their opinion does not necessarily equate into a question. & though people may let you explain or rationalise your answer/opinion, it does not generaly mean that they are ready to listen...let alone accept what ever that was painlessly thought and put into effort in answering. For other people's opinion will always be their own opinion and they will not hesitate to chide aside any remarks which they frown upon and not agree upon.

How the winds of change come about in 1 simple lazy Sunday.

"A tear from my eye...for they are the hardest to please."

Bak pepatah melayu, "cakap salah, tak cakap pun salah"

I guess the age old phrase is true. & it IS there for a reason. Lets just stick to it for the time being....or FOREVER yahhh.

"For if you got nothing good to say, it is better to say nothing at all."


"...dont miss the feelings while its still fresh..."

A little revival of the bubble of thoughts from a wonderful character in my glorious Lepak Circle. How bright and refreshing those little words came & brought me out of a mini twilight zone with words. & the sun shone brightly as the rainbows formed, amidst clear and crisps dew smelling concrete. A shattering relief of afternoon showers that shook the heat of my tired weary body.

The rays are forcefully brightening up my room, and in particular directly upon my eyes. & as I hear the birds whistling & chirping, the sweet serenity that surrounds me in nonchalant notion is pure bliss. Just plain wonderness settles in, with the timely cracking of the MRT tracks none the less.

Its been a while since I could describe such feelings. It really has been a while.

The swirling lights, the intense sweat perpatuating from people around you, rubbing shoulders. The music...something which I have difficulty in reasoning. For I am musically deaf. I can only make out the thumpings that echo within walls towards my ear drums. Different would be an understatement as how I am feeling now. It was a totally mixed emotions of a night where my birthday bash was being held. All in all, I can only say thanks to the people who made it happen...

Being squashed up is no good feeling. At that instance, the world slowed down. Almost everything was tick tocking in a dreadfully wonderful way. Blur was the initial thoughts racing in my mind as the great people of the floor swarped around me. It was a great big HUG. Something I havent felt in a long long time. I could suddenly make out the noise, with a great great tune...a birthday song fit for a KING. It was a truly touching moment as I tried to hold back my tears. It covered up the depressing moments for that night, that week and for a short while what ever negativity that was rooted deep inside of me.

A clenched fist of victory to the top. A big HEART felt thank you once again. I dont mean to miss out anyone but the pictures below should suffice the memories that will linger for an eternity.


Wonder which girl caught my attention...


MMF action (",)


Why wasnt the berfdae boy in the center


Since 1995...
All things seem to be wanting to vomit out this body now. I dont really fill like spilling the beans on everything but I keep reading the first line of this post. & its true that I got to say it out loud while its still fresh.

This birthday week has been a little piercing for I didnt get even close to executing something which I had planned for weeks. My balls just did a dissapearing act, and surely too, it had something to do with the fact that a certain birthday wish came late. Heh.

My friendster shout-out reads: "I have the biggest crush on yu...yet I cannot summon up the courage to tell yu :( "

That should just about explain everything. siGh.

& to think that it was a quiter affair last year but something I enjoyed more, in a totally different retrospect of course. Somethings maybe will just need time...

EveryONE's been telling me to be a man. I truly just dont have the LOGICAL explaination why I just cant do it. EMOTIONS just play deeper in this episode. Why ? Only time can tell...

It was 5am on my birthday & I was startled from my deep frozen slumber by an sms which reads something like(if I remember correctly),"Need I remind you that you are officially pakcik status" A small but apt reminder graciously provided by one whom I address by Guardian Angel in this space. It did put a smurk on my face, that sms. But hey the parties still rock on at 25! hehe.

Oh!! & heres the last shocker (not!)

Please be informed, that after strong & mindful consideration, I am resigning from my post of MERPS2 WM Data Analyst.

It has been a pleasant working experience for the past 6 months but I have had to re-evaluate my career path & opportunities that had presented it self. I thank the company for the opportunity I had been given and wish the company success in future endeavours. I also wish the MERPS department a successful cutover

With this, please accept this letter as notice of resignation effective 10-Jun-07.


Sincerely,

THE Contract Warehouse Management Data Analyst

That was 12 odd days ago...
lets hope I dont wait another 12 days, weeks, months or YEARS for another shock :P


*looks at clock. 20mins more to end of work*

So...Its my birthday. I am supposed to update something right ??

Haha...Happy Birthday Me!!


So today is the 1 year anniversary for my blog

*sprays confetti* yeahhhhh & this just further re-iterates that I need someone to talk to. I cannot just keep on going talking & expressing all my emotions to this space. There is just so much that I can release to cyberspace. There is just so much...

& when I say I need to communicate, I mean a real person. No msn, no sms, no imaginary friends & what not nonsense that have scrapped and fly through my puny little brain.

I suddenly feel lonesome.

Bah!

*sprays confetti again*

Bah! =(


If I can ever find a logical reason why this space of mine has been void for a while, its probably down to the fact that there has been just too many things going on in my life now. Kind of ironic uh ? How events have whizzed me by and yet my entries are not even sporadic in the past week. Oh well. Alhamdulillah April has been just fine too me.

I had thought to myself that I could probably even go on without another entry till after my birthday bash next week but something had to pop up and I just couldnt let it go by without penning this little piece of history. Heh.

For it has always been, ever since I ended my NS and undertaken a thing called a job, that my mum, out of goodwill, would yack down my throat with regards to me getting married. It came to a point that I was even numb to it, though some times it did affect me. Lately things have gone eerily quiet. So so quiet that I even noticed the mood change in my mum towards this particular topic. I could not put a finger to it when I noticed, coincidentally during the first few days of April. Now though, things are a little clearer as to why. Heh.

All the commotion that goes around in the house are normally just quietly observed by the old man. None much for words unless things goes out of line. A few moments ago, STRANGELY, it was him that was suddenly blabbering to me about finding the right one. Asking me if I needed help and the likes and so on. Oh he didnt stop there of course as the other 20 year old was also dragged into the picture. It was really kind of strange & weird. He aint normally like this. There he was going on and on like a GPMG mounted on a tripod. Facts and pointers shooted off him like there was no end.

It then struck me. The old man wants GRANDCHILDREN!!! Haha!

Yah thats the biggest likelyhood. Aint sure if my mum got anythings to do with this. Hah.

Oh well... Kalau jodoh ku...tak ke mana (",)
*prays hard that what ever words was exchanged comes true, InsyaAllah*
heeeeeeee *grins*

Okay that settled, brief updates I guess ?

Theres a certain fact about me that I have yet to tell my close friends about. I didnt even want to tell my family till the right time, yet the old man had his way of finding out. I guess I'll update about that once the gang finds out. Oh ms.secretary, please dont blurt it out yet k ;) thank you.

Oh...& speaking about the gang, they had Sup Tulang just now. & I WASNT there!! Why was it on a saturday evening. Gee! so much for the Saturday night commitment. Its almost like a marriage, just without the perks...just yet :P haha. Oh and for the un-informed, its not a commitment with any girl, SADLY :P

My birthday bash would be next week. Will update more on that soon, I hope. Ha!

Erm...anything else dear brain ?

Heh, how could I not talk about it. Lets let the picture do the talking for a start...




I really got to hand it to mr.[K]600...tak sia2 ko tak pakai suite! Haha. For someone taking photos at pasir gudang for the first time, he got really good photos. Hmm wonder how lisan's photos will look like ??



I am not sure why, but I kind of like this picture above, just as the 5lap challenge began. Wooo & I think I was revving the engine a little too much cause it looks like my front wheel is off the track, dont you think ? Heh. I know my timing is not that good but since its only my.. *counts fingers*...7th time on the track, a hand time 1min53secs aint so bad right ? Heeeeeeeeeeee....



The one and only picture without my helmet. And just look at that oversized suite. Haha. Way back when I bought the suite in late November, that size 50 suite fitted to a capital T. Read --> Post Hari Raya Fats! haha. Now that my weight is stabilizing back again, think its high time I got that Spidi size 48 hahaha or should I get the Arlen Ness size 48 *pfft*

This lesson has taught me that my weight will always hover between 56kg. Heh.

So this is my last entry before my blog hits 1 year. Its been that long eh. *grins* Well Im short of a few entries to 365 but I think those dont matter no more. I aint posting as a secret shout out to no one no more.

The future beckons now!!!
*still praying hard that the word exchange with dad will come true*
Heh(",)
All engines full throttle ahead!!!


Ever wondered why secrets are intriguing ?


I found out a little, or should I say HUMONGOUS secret. khekhekhe. But dont worry my friend, its safe with me as long as my guts can keep it from spilling. Wahaha.

In light of the coming events this month & in response to a certain sms, I am quite certain that I would be revealing a little, or should I say HUMONGOUS again, secret of mine. It could finally happen. I could finally profess...

This still has no connections what so ever to the GIGANTIC secret none except for a particular colleague, and those that helped in ensuring the linkage, has insider news to.

Of kept news...
Of dirty little secrets...
Of sex, lies & videotapes ?? haha (",)


I wonder who was April's FOOL last sunday.
I really do wonder...
since I was just at home waiting & waiting...

Oh well...
All's well end's well
...I guess, especially since Im near broke.

Something just went amiss in my accounts again this month. & now I am just gasping at the brim of the bottleneck. Oh wells...

Other then feeling like, what seems, a fool on sunday, April has been good. Not normal, but actually quite good. & theres something inside of me which is so wanting to burst out but Im just keeping it tight lip till everything is a-okay (",)


Well...I thought I was better than that but in the end, I was weak.

April is finally here. Please shove aside all the bad luck of March away. I cant stand it no more. Its just bringing me down and out. Its no good. Just no good. Though April didnt start off brightly, I want to make it good. Please let me make it good.

There is 2 truckloads, or maybe more, of banter that I can just shoot away with regards to the sway effects of March. I dont get it. Why was it so bad. Why was I in such an utter state of unluckiness, to say the least. Its passed now and its not coming back, I hope, InsyaAllah.

I was at a wedding reception just now. A dunmanite from my cohort, and if my memory serves correctly, he is the first male friend from that cohort whos wedding I have attended. Gee...one of guys from my batch finally tied the knot. Wonder when it will be one of my guys ;)

Selamat pengantin baru kepada Iradi & Nurasfiza. Semoga jodoh berpanjangan hingga ke akhir hayat (",)

--------------------
hey! hey! its 17 days awayyy... Certainly the bright spark that Im looking forward to currently. I so want to be in a good good mood. So please please help out by making sure I am furnished with the below mention goodies. Hah!

Tag Heuer Mercedez SLR limited edition watch (they only manufactured 3500 of these! there's one on display at marina square)

Tissot MotoGP limited edition watch

Any MotoGP '07 replica fullface helmet

Clover RS3 gloves

Intel Dual Core Processor Desktop (doesnt matter Mac or Windows)

Xbox360

A new bed (preferably Queen size)

A 2 seater sofa to fit in my room

21" wide screen LCD tv

Sony Walkman 880i

Nike trainers

Timberland shoes

G2000 reversible windbreaker

& of course... moolahhh!!! lots & lots of moolah!!!

Okay now that Ive let all that air out from my chest about the intangible stuffs, I can concentrate on the real things in life that I want to go for. These are just some of the stuff that I want to achieve in the near future. Since Im going to hit the quarter century, Im hopeful that I would at least hit 80% of the targets before the next milestone, the big 30!

In no particular order ;

Get a permanent career

Achieve a certain level of foothold in the dream creator

Get my degree

Getting my aviation license

Gaining more knowledge from my dad

Acquire more knowledge from the Federation

Putting into regular practise all that knowledge

Stopping all my bad teenager habits

Getting closer to my Creator

Getting my best standing in PSK

Participate in a race series

Achieving a podium finish

Go on a holiday outside of South East Asia

Finding that ms.perfect for me

Making my parents proud of me

So dear friends and readers, do help me out yah. If not alot, then even the minimum words of encouragement would help. So here it is April. My next footstep into adulthood and life.