profile.
Ridak & his RollerCoaster
This is his emotional ride.



Reliving
Intresting
Denials
About
K



talk.


Seeking their lights...
Adibah - Lady
Baeyah - jezbiggie
Baitina - tinatino0ot
Baizura - Aiz
Firdaus Jamaludin - lanang
Cha Cha
Haddad
Hafriz
Hurul'Ain - ms.secretary
Haslinah - LadyHackwrench
Liyana Ramli - lynn
Linda Eain - Lynn
Liyana J - LJ
Masnoraffis - lil'un / bond
Nadiah Yusof
Noraini - norot
Nurazima
Nurul Huda - Nunu
Rasyida
Roziemah - Ogy / r0zy
Shasha
Siti Raudhah - Anggunz
Suriana - Yana
Wardah - ms.salad queen / ruzmidah
archives.
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
February 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
January 2009
January 2010
March 2010

layout.
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resources: x

Sick doesnt mean you dont have the ability to think. Hah!!

And no comments about the pain thing. Bah. Zee...Zee...hmmm...

Shall not be like every other blogger whom Im sure is going to comment about the football match. At least Im not going to comment now. Haha. Just that, GO LIONS GO!!! Yahoo...Singapore 2 - Thailand 1. Yeah!!!

Oh...and I am just about done ;) Finally cracked it this evening. Any minute now ;)
Wait for it...



Wahai [K], here is your much wanted flamingo pic. (",)

This was a crazy bike night indeed. Haha. Think we all talked too much about joining the clubman race series that we had to magnify our egos with great pics like the aboves. If only it didnt cost much to take part in the clubman race series. If only we can find sponsors to finance our hobby. Heh. Oh wells...

By the way, that crazy bike night is the same night that I literally vomitted phlegm, and plenty of it as soon as I reached home. Think it was too much teh at simpang. *notes to one self, dont drink teh on a sore throat or when having bouts of coughs*

Sitting at home for the past 2 days has made me think abit...
Something is bothering me abit. Think when I can manifest enough brain resources, I shall put pen to paper. Ive got to ponder on it a little more. Hmmm...


Ive been meaning to update but Im sick to the core. There is a slight possibility I conjured up to much of my brain cells when I was sick, so now that its down to the core, I cant seem to use much or any for the matter of fact. Heres just somethings which I want to say but cant find the correct words to put up in proper posts.

• Watch CICAKMAN!!!
• Dont ride at night with out a jacket
• Teh is not good for a sore throat
• I can wheelie on my Rose now ;)
• 2 much sleep can be depressing haha
• I want to take part in clubman race but im broke
• I am broke
• Medication can knock you our for hours on ends I tell you.
• I am on 2 days MC
• Happy 61st birthday Abah, sorry no cucu yet

Anyone caught the reality show 'Beauty & the Geek ??'

Things always happen for a reason. Strangely they will always fit nicely like pieces of a jigsaw when you can finally see the BIG picture after it all.

After yesterdays minimal conversations which I tried to conjure up, todays rest day proved a much needed eye opener and reflector of who I was and how 'great' I really was in my own small realm and own REAL small world of friendster.

I'm sure majority of netizens have heard of friendster and most would probably have an account. It is the replacement of the ever popular e-circles of eons ago. After which , now there are many such clones of sites. K, I shall not dabble further on that topic. Im veering way of course. Back to friendster. With so much free time in the afternoon and after the upteenth time of not getting my html coding correct, I just browsed through friendster, which by the way is an everyday ritual or whenever I go online. Normally I would just browse my friends profiles and 2nd degree profiles. If I was really bored I'd reach the 3rd degree. Not today though, as I was that bored that I re-read all my own testimonials given by my friends.

Latest testimonials I have are normally such picture messages with flash enabled media. Or just some sort of funny and non-testimonial type of testimonial. Get it ;)

As I went further and further into time via friendster and read on the types of personality and character people have percieve me as, coupled with a few history passages between friends, I kept thinking... why am I in such a state that I was a few months ago ? Why am I still not back at the pole position of a race with myself now ? Grin after grin and finally I reached the end. Theres a few which I liked for their honesty and all. haha ;P But of all the testimonials I recieved, 1 stood out like a sore thumb. Its from non other but by a fellow blogger who writes in wonderfully great summaries.

With the highest disctinction and honour, I proclaim the below mentioned an apt summary of me at my peak ;)

"...ghahahahaha anyway,.when i think of kadir, i think of the loud curly haired motocycle loving dude from SP but now in NS.. one ting for sure kadir inspired me to be confident..and loud..ahahaha..remeber the time we first chatted? ..."

Thank you hafriz for your honesty ;p whichhh, brings me to the very first line of this post...

..."Beauty & the Geek 2"...
My my that is such a wonderfully outrageuos idea. Such ingenuity and the producers pull it off so well. The deeper lines that cut through and the invisible messages that were put across is fabulous. Crazy even. Crazily in good as good can ever mean. And its in the second season already and the 2nd last episode at that.

Cant believe I didnt catch such a show.

As I watched the 'geeks' and the 'beauties' being put through the rounds of mental tests of learning and so-called character building, I just couldnt help it but feel for some of the similar situations which I had truly encountered as well.

The particular epsiode that I caught brought such calamity to the 'beauties' when they were placed in a role-reversal of the 'geeks.' For being placed in a bar but dressed not to the nines but in shadily and non-appealing outfits, even to my low standards fugly(I
m refering to the clothes). No make up, no real accessories but just their character(if any) to show for. The test was just to see how many drinks they could entice guys to buy them. Sounded so simple yet...

The rejection that I have faced through the years really was put onto spotlight in a center stage sort of way, right beside the television in my living room. Its the same as to how some of the beauties were coming to terms with their shallow character and absolute zero for confidence. Heh...I couldnt help but just snigger as I saw in fast forward, within that short show, how my own confidence and character grew throught the years ;)

Just brimming from the insides I tell you. It was a small and gentle reminder to me of how great a person I truly can be, when I CHOOSE to be. Oh how fate spins everything and how greatness is shown to me in 1 wonderful friday.

Personality, character and confidence are things found in us which aint just skin deep.
For I aint just skin deep :)

Yet why do people always choose to remain at such levels only. 1 can only wonder.


I am already at the scene, waiting in earnst in this lobby where in probably 45mins time, the event will start. I have yet to see her, my eye candy. Heh its been 1 week. Gosh that feels long. Hah.

Later I will definitely see her going atop the grand stage where she will take her place amongst many of the elites who have reached the launchpad to success. To reach the top of the pinnacle of society, and yet i will still be stading/sitting in that same spot clapping my hands wondering when else it would be my turn.

Flash back to 2005 where she and I had made a pact to reach this launchpad together but yet only she has arrived at the destination without me. Its been close to 2 years and I find myself having major differences in me since back then. Definitely improvements in areas of speech, knowledge, background research and understanding of the human behaviourial patterns. Yet for much of, if not all of the past year, I have remained stagnant at best. And at worst have even declined in areas where I was once considered an elite.

A whole year of much wastedness perhaps then ??

I dont know...

I have said it earlier this year that 2006 was definitely a year of learning. Learning deep from within myself, things which I know and didnt know I had. So at this junction of time, just slightly a few weeks short of a year, from the time saw my decline and had my deep inner learnings, I have this sense of deja-vu that I could proabably take a wrong turn for the worst...again. But I know from all the lessons learnt from 2006, there is no turning back and that 2007 is the year of moving. Slowly never mind, but inching forward I definitely will.

Forward March!!!!!

Heh the wonders of having a laptop with wireless connections that I can have an update. Lets learn from today and move on from tomorrow shall we...

Just where is ms.hourglass ?? how come I still have yet to see her =/

I dont know if I should heed someone's advice later...hmm we wil just see which half of the court the ball lands yah.

& I still have this darn damn funny feeling. Sheesh!!!


Something told me, very weirdly at that, not to get out from my bed today. It was a voice deep from within. My instinct, my intuition, my gut feeling...However you want to name it. It just told me not to get out of my bed today. & yet...

Alhamdulillah, I am at work, safe and sound. Still have that weird type of funny feeling, though.

I read from where I cant remember, that we should always go with our gut instincts, for it will never lead us astray. Only when we disbelief and go the other way, and choose not to go with our intuition, now at that very point...our insticts will go wrong. Cause at that very point, that is not our instinct leading us, it our fear...

My heart still feels small, somehow. My umbrella of protection I look upon feels small. Gosh.

...Ya Allah, berilah lindungan istimewa atas hamba mu ini di dunia dan akhirat.

Let me see the light of tomorrow, InsyaAllah.


1 week of utterly disgusting phlegm. Not to mention very painful coughs that hurt the chest. 1 week already, I cant stand it.

Thats it, tomorrow Im going to catch my eyecandy, and just stare at her at every oppurtunity. Let me just melt into a pool of liquid for her to drink up. Hah. So wishful thinking. I think it would much be the other way around. I think my stares are going to melt her into a pool of liquid, for me to drink up and let the liquid fill my heart and not the tummy ;) hehe.

Hopeful that will heal the pain away.

But Im not so sure now, the past week for which I have had some small conversations with my eyecandy, and also some small information through 2nd & 3rd parties, has made me realised that maybe, just maybe, she is all but just that. Just an eyecandy. Maybe nothing more. Just that. Hmmmm....

Let the bubble burst now then, better then later.

Bleargh.


And so at a young and tender age of two-four, I still get spelling lessons. Not metaphorically speaking but literally. And so it is, that gooey and morbid substance that is yellowish green in colour and is effectively ejected from one's body is spelt as phlegm. Haha.

Maybe it was due to the sickly and nauseating feeling I experience during the time of writing that caused the bad spelling. Heh. Thats just an excuse anyway.

And adek, who says you can smack my forehead ? even if its in cyberspace... *smacks your forehead back, HARD* wahahaha. It has been a good week right ? so you wouldnt mind that.

Honestly though, its only a not-so-bad week. Theres nothing devestating that has happened so far, although when you look at the reverse end, theres not much light to jump and glee about to either. Despite that very good Sunday track session, it has generally been just okay *twists hand with motionless effort*

I am still stuck with my blog codes, for the background picture I want up just wont stay in an absolute position. The blog post keeps on overflowing down and out of the background pic. Urgh.

23 days of the new year, and 10 days since my confidence revival and some how Ive been dry of any hot date. Wahaha. Lets just see how it all goes.

And finally to the 'dismay' of me and not-so-much joy of my colleagues, I have trimmed my hair. Hah. But its kinda urgh. I specifically told my barber, I want to keep my hair long still. Its just that I want a trim. And yet my hair now seems like it was, when I last cut it back in October. There goes 4 months of hair being snipped off.

So if ever this week is going to be great, let it happen soon yah ;)


Bodily pain is getting to me. The inflicting torture upon this oven fresh body is surprisingly wearingly thin. The urgh so disgusting flamm that keeps flowing out of me is horrendous to say the least. I am puzzled as to why my body is unable to stay fit and fresh for the past 1 week. It has not been able to withstand pain for more then 24hours. & that is not good.

To wake up with spinny effects far worst then when you slept on them. Having the room rotate and revolve around you as you scurry off the bed trying to reach the reach the bathroom before the convultions of the stomach erupts. And it goes either way, the top and the bottom.

Really now...is it the weather ? Is it really due to last Monday's dreaded and torrential rain that I was drench in ? It is really pulling the aches of my body to the knees, and yet I still pull through like as if normal. Going around the mundane routines of a week. Back & forth to Tuas, sleeping at home, making that cameo appearance at the dream creator. Oh which I must say I managed to pull off wonderfully going by the judgement of the peers ;)

Still I was able to hang out too with the guys and play pool and hang out like I wasnt sick. Yet it was all in earnst, as I just coughed, sneezed and had to struggle snuggling to sleep.

Obviously the sickly schedule has been delaying my new blogskin which should have made its appearance last week. Oh well, its an outstanding agenda for this week. Still reeling from the flamms and soreness of the throat. Lucky though the voice is not coarse.

On a much healthier note, I was able to drag and control my body and Rose all the way to track on Sunday. WOW! I loved that track session. I met all my major criteria set for myself on that day. I was fully satisified. It didnt matter that I wasn't on the podium, haha. Thats wishful thinking for the moment cause I know my skills are not up there yet. But really, it was a great sunday track day. No gravel, no crashes, no pit problems and nice smooth riding on the track. I had an unofficial lap timing from my friend which was 1:55 min. Its not that wonderful but it is great to me. On my 6th appearance on the track, I have managed a 1:55 :) Yippie. And I was just 1 or 2 bikes behind sgt.hotstuff during the 5 lap challenge. So so satisfied.

Of course, the dreaded disease just couldnt let me enjoy it more and reared its ugly sickness once I arrived home. Urgh!!

And with a bluey monday now...I still cant comprehend this sickness.

I want Sunday's track day fortunes to spill over this week, please.

Well, we'll just have a look see now.


Work on my codings has been rather exceptionally slow and crawling. It is moving albeit a very forgetful memory, specifically and only on html codes. Well, it came to an abrupt halt yesterday, or rather on Tuesday...

I am begining to hate Tuesdays.

It seems like there has been a tremondous and enormous amount of work, or rather lack of it, that has been done. After going through so much of such things on a Bluey monday, you go through the passive motions on a Tuesday. I am begining to really not like just wandering about and taking a stroll just to clear Tuesday, especially with whatever that has been done or not done the previous day. And when you finally get all things progressive and half done, you forgot that you are only STILL at the start of the week. Bah!

In addition to all of that, I found myself being caught in the heavy tuesday's cat and dogs downpour. It was blistering pain on my fingers as the raindrops pelted it. It has even started to seep and soak into my 'waterproof' rain jacket which I bought less than 6 months ago. I cant blame the jacket, as it has been enduring 3 months of endless on-slaught by the rain.

This time however, after being caught in the cold front, I found myself running a fever. A cold fever at that. That slighlty feverish feeling on the forehead but extremely hot in areas such as the neck, armpits and under the knee. All this while feeling cold and shivering on the outside. That just brought me on a flight straight to larlar land as soon as I hit my bed. That sickly feeling wasn't going away though.

I was awoken every hour. EVERY hour I tell you from 11pm onwards...up till the time that I was to go to work. Motionless each single time as I glanced upon the clock not believing that I had awoken again. Opening my eyes each time again and again with a skull thats bursting from the insides worst and worst. Ironically when the pendulum swung in my favour of a good rhytem to sleep, it was my alarm blaring the Superman theme song for me to save the world. How to ?? When I couldnt even save myself properly at that junction of time. When eventually I had found the energy to pull myself in a tantalising manouver into the shower and scream yells of agony as the cold water hit me, I still experienced that throbbing headache with a worn down body I had been dreading with the whole night through.

That was just it. MC...hah!

Nice and extremely pleasurable feeling to stay at home. Even though downing all the pills to make this throbbing headache go away. My pills are hand labelled, by the clinic assistant, as "relax" , "fever" & "pain." Thank heavens we have such ingenuity instead of the dreaded printed labels. Haha. And if Im not mistaken, all the medication I took today, came from my Company :)
Heh. Anyways I missing Sentosa. Since I just got the rest of the pics from the Abg Chindian, through Sgt.Hotstuff, I shall post the nice ones to remind me of that wonderful, glorious and exilerating moment of the year so far ;)


Of course my inner most anxities of an amatuer photograph enthusiast, not to mention model takle jadi, could not resist the tempations of snapping a far beyond my visions type of picture. Hah. Thanks Abg Chindian for the usage of the camera. =)

As to how Ive said it before in a previous post, and I'll re-iterate it again now;
For they say a piture tells a thousand words,
so how many thousand words have you all read so far ?
So the next time we head to Sentosa...any one wants to join in the fun ;)


Dont mind me if Im missing from here for a while.
I'm searching for a new identity, a new skin, and everything else that can be re-newed for my new life. Wahahaha ;)

Oh yah, as I was chatting just now, I blurted out...

...Im waiting for "ms.perfect for me" to come by...

Hehehe.
Been spending the whole morning searching for a skin to be suitable for me. Hmm, I think I've found one, but I need to re-configure some stuff. Could take a while though as my personal configurations are complicated. Hah!

What a great way to have woken up and spend a sunday morning ;)


Yesh dear ms.secretary, it took many many months but the cracking of this skull just to insert the correct values and re-tune this brain set up has finally been truly on it way. Doesnt matter that it took months of toil and perserverance, countless nights of efforts in upheaving shit that clouds above me and streams of coins and rivers of notes in cash that went along with it. The process has finally begun.

Such an apt date at it!

The burden heavy chested me would probably be dwelling ALOT on the 13th of a month, especially this date. Since mua is date crazy over memories. The 13th of January signifies alot in my short 24 year span of life. 13th of January 2007 will go along way in the memory books as to how I spent it. Wow.

...The guys have been putting alot of leisure activities in our schedule lately. Especially to kick start 2007. They had been planning on a Sentosa day for some time but the rainy season has been dampening the beach and along with it our spirits for some time. The other day, they even had a planned outing to zoo which was also wash away by the rain and its clouds.

And so us guys tried our luck. We planned an overnight session at sentosa to welcome the saturday morning, in all its basking glory and all. Of course it was raining as per normal on the friday night, so obviously we could not overnight straightaway, and so we decided to go with the rain and immerse ourselves in a night of sweat on the dancefloor. Yeah sooo what if we were grinding away! Ha!

Anyway just in case any one was following the tags....

There is a difference in tagger 'A' & tagger 'a'. & I have a hard knocking sense of feeling I know who they are. Haha. Let you people have a free perception of me. It doesnt really matter. Cause what ever that I have stated here has been the truth on what nonsense I have done, what regrets I have faced and also what joy I have cherished. By the way, what my sister says is true, sadly. Haha. I dance in sort of a weird way. I acknowledge that fact whole heartedly. but hey nobodys complaining. I just let it all out in my own way. There isnt any signboard that says "you cant dance weirdly," nor "You cant grind" on the dancefloor you know. Think about it anyway, if I was a lousy dancer, would I be getter the girls ? Does that constitutes as a player ? Haha. Im having a nice little laugh writing this. And just so those peering eyes want to know, I aint no clubbing addict type of shit that must come down 2 -3 times a week. Heck I didnt even use to patronise such places if not for the camaraderie that my fellowship is bringing me now.

Hah! Thanks guys ;P *pfft*

And so as we, or rather Abg Chindian was sipping coffee in the wee hours of the morning at Liang's McD, it was still some what raining. Should we have abandonned our plan ?? We were thatttttttttt incy wincy close to throwing in the towel and wanting to blame the rain on spoiling our Sentosa Saturday.

I looked deep in my self, in my heart of what ever little knowledge that I knew. After finding the isma, or spot, I looked up to the sky to push away the rain clouds as I raised a small prayer for sunshine, or rather clear skies. And off we went to pass through the sleepy gates of Sentosa at 5+ in the morning.

Wow! What a refreshing feeling the water is at 6. The whole of Palawan beach was deserted up till around 9. It was so clearing the mind the swim I had. It was so negative emo-draining as I soaked up into the dawn skies. It was a soreyes as the guys went skinny dipping. Haha.

What an overhaul to the body and mind systems. What a new begining to the day, and to my new life. As I dived into the dark waters with a prayer in my head, I found a new lease of sunshine in all that was calm of the backwashes as I reared my head for air. It aint a deletion of my file systems. It was a simple fix to the cabinets of my memories. Just placing all unwanteds in the archives, where it aptly belongs. A Defrag you could say. WOW! So much free space that could be used all of a sudden ;)

Jumping squares, 4 on 5 frisbee action, more swimming (for me), lepaking by the early morning dew on the beach, talking crap, soaking in the atmosphere, picture taking and finally breakfast. Comparing the time that all of us were dead beat, we thought hey, if we actually planned a sentosa visit, we would probabyly just had arrived. And it was only 9++am!!!

To the people who made it happen for... Thank you guys(and girls) for the wonderful time.



As were having breakfast, smooth oldies songs were on the air, filling up our ears with waves of relaxing and soothing music. It was a good moment. A round up of the day's activity, especially for me. When in particular a certain song was played. I dont know who or what the name of the song is. I cant remember also the name that was given to be the name of the singer. Heh, but when it suddenly got to a certain line...

...Baby, sometimes love just aint enough...

I knew for certain everything has been put all behind me. No more will I be looking back(much) with all the grief and sadness nor will I be walking back to find the stones of anguish and painful reflections. I have moved on certainly on this day. & what an apt date uh ?

me being the sucker for dates and memories just got to state it out. wahaha.

4 years ago, at approximately this timing, 2 became 1...afterwhich 4 years later, it is all but just a distant and fading (??) memory which will serve to be the roots of my growth. So long Mardiana. If we ever cross paths again, if our eyes meet again, I'd be happy to get just a smile. No more hope in this can of bees. And how I'd always believe,

Kalau jodoh tak ke mana.

Wahahaha ;)

...And the guys reach home safely from Sentosa ard noon...


...Baby......sometimes......love......just......aint.....enough...
PS; oh oh!! How could I not mention. To my dearest good friend and old buddy, my former bedok reservoir neighbour & the girl(back then) who opened up new perspectives in my life, Marlinda. Happy 25th Birthday!!!
K dah ;)


It has taken me 12 days to realise something new in my life this year. 12 whole days to simply understand the astonishing fact of reality. On how Ive been in self improvement when I didnt truly realise it. Amazing wonder how it actually had happened and yet I was not truly comprehending the situational change that was circling around and in particular encompassing myself.

I had been disillusioned abit towards the end of last year, when I kept thinking about a certain date. A certain date that brought about a mini debacle of posts within this site. I had also kept thinking about a date which will arrive in a matter of hours. I keep thinking how it has come to this, and also think of how I must prove that I am stronger.

At that very juntion of crossroads, I broke a shell. I shattered the inner most strengths that were bogging me deep withing the sadness walls of depression. It is just 1 wall but yet I have brought it down.

How can I be ascertain on the things upon which I speak...

Simply put that when initially I was heart wrenched by how I felt of her homecoming, I had also the feeling of Arh Fuck it!!! Zul Cina ask me if I was going to contact her. Ask me many months before this, I would certainly say yes. But now this mellow and learned heart has finally said, if contact is made - contact la, if not I think it will just end like that. For truly, she is someone else's girlfriend now, and I am not going to disturb another man's girl.

So it shall be like that...

Just like that. It isnt hanging. The book is technically closed.

How much of a burden lifter it was when I was able to answer that question in that manner. The confidence that exoudes is just simply majestic. A feeling which I cant explain. Actions will certainly be able to sum it all up maybe ? How Ive been relaxing with the now grown up Lepak boys more and more. We are really bonding it all again.

In an hours time maybe, I will be meeting up with the guys again. Where we would be heading, I still do not know but if tomorrow the sun decides to reveal itself, we will be basking in the glory of fat mid 20 guys tummy at Sentosa. Wohooo.

That is confidence! Ha!

It took me 12 days to realise this confidence level that I am having. Ha!

So see you all on the dancefloor tonight. Lets boogey!


An imperative inspiration was what I seeked,
an impeded inspiration of clouds was what I got.

Bah!

Im still reeling in the heatiness from yesterday's Sup Tulang session.
I just want my bed at this very moment.

(-_-)


Whats truly going on in this battered body of mine ?

I need to go into my body and find out. I need to re-invent my body structure and re-tune my body clock work. I have to get my body parts tweaking to the right tune. There is just so much to do yet so lil time.

That last sentence is always the killer. Whenever I am target pressured, I just dont get it correctly. So I have decided to do it in a different way. I will ensure I am moving, at least crawling, if not at least just inching forward. Thats what I will do.

To truly find out mechanism of this battered body.


The feeling of center stage is always awesome, especially when ones actions are pleasureably appriciated by many.

It has always been a rough ride, none the less then since the new gregorian year. The rough ride though is finally chipping and showing off wonderful tell tale signs of calm seas. Within a week of work, I have found myself in the spotlight for all the right reasons. Being acknowledged for all the good attributes and being seen by the necessary people, as how Ive come to learn to survive.

I have never liked sucking up. I still dont do it. But wayang is just part and parcel it seems when one wants to stay afloat. I performed my wayang just enough normally to keep me from drowning. This year so far, I havent had any real need to wayang, just that I have seemed to mastered the art of performing in front of the correct audience. If anything was to go by from the recent shoe string of events, the currency which runs my potrait shouldn't drop against the run of the greenback anytime soon. That of course in which I have to maintain the minimum set standard. Heh.

Over at the dream creator, the invaluable lessons that I just got, seems to be kicking in motion. Alhamdulillah. Though its slow, and not result oriented, I know for sure it definitely is crawling no! inching forward even. With proper guidance and that little bit of luck that I had been lacking, I'll go far I'm sure.

This exhilerated feeling just stems from within by 2 great incidents. A wonderful sms from ms.hourglass and a small msn chat with a poly junior. A definite boost and kick start to what was a rusty confidence from 2006 indeed.

"...together with me." I definitely want to, I am sure my dear ms.hourglass.

So surreal the comprehension with convex lens and a widescreen panel. Heh.



R&R at the favourite spot is just wonderful. It has been some time that I was there just relaxing and easing my oh so packed brain. 2007 has already been 6 days in motion, and I have yet to totally clear out my bags of 2006. And so it was, wonderfully pleasureable to be able to soak in the winds of the coast. To be able to let my thoughts soar freely and let it drift with all the amazing scenery, which I was able to capture on cam. Nice eiy ? Aint I blessed to have a great photographist mindset. Haha.


Out of the near 20 snaps from my N73, I liked these 3 the most!

Alhamdulillah, I got to clear alot of things in my mind. Whenever you have urgent & critical things in your brain, I've learnt and come to understand that you need to clear the critical things first, even though it will delay the accomplishment of the urgent stuffs.

I learnt that from my new mentor ;)

He hasnt actually "taught" me anything yet except to just tell me to clear away my critically ill files from my system. No motivation from him at all, except to just lay out all my information infront of me. It was quite a shock to my systems but I think the progams running slowly. Slowly but surely, InsyaAllah ;)

And so a new begining, with higher & better self confidence. Thats what I am lacking right now. Just having to low a self esteem. Gee. I am able to pen that down. I am 1 step closer to recovery. Yahoo. *chuckles*

In all that incredible scenery and not to mention like a gazillion couples on that break water with me :P I was able to find a secluded hideaway that only I was in. A zone only I felt, and I was a lil closer to him. That was a major break through, and that is the biggest thing that I could find there.

And it was that much clearer in the blanket of darkness that I was suddenly returned to after the sunset.

ahhh...and since blogger is allowing me to upload pics, I shall show you guys 4 men that visited lil Izz Hareez the other day. Hehe.


4 men, the baby and the mother


So amacam ? Ada tokoh to be future dad ? Oh that day, ms.secretary was there but I didnt take a photo with her, cause remember mr.secretary was there. Haha.

Oh my...I took close to an hour to update this. No wondering if there's any one who wants to ask me out at this hour haha ;)


What is the key to it all ??

Im going to figure it out, with the perfect sunset (i hope) at my favourite spot today. You'll know where to find me. & in the process I want to find the key to it all...


When the sun had been drying us up all, for the past few days, I just slackened abit by deciding not to bring along my trusted rain jacket. I even forgo the weather proof boots. I was confident that it would be dry all day. The coolness of the weather would just be all through the day...

Yes, it was just dry through all the day.

I was caught freezing in the rain as a gentle reminder of all the icy dreams that had been sun dried in my brains. They had been stuck to the walls of the skulls in the hot-cold weather, and it was somehow re-awoken in the freezing night ride.

Of course and without doubt I was drenched all the way.

My brain is a lil fried up, frizzy even. I couldnt really make out properly the events of the past 2 days. It has gone. Whatever that had happened here, it seems, was just a temporary whirlwind. Or is it ??

I can and will just stand up, learn from it all...look back and smile, and slowly step up ahead.
...in more ways than 1.
...definitely in more ways than 1.

The heart and the brain when re-awoken and combined will surely surge the body ahead.


Gee, where do I even begin ...but
I saw the sort of fear in your eyes,
I saw how the tears were seemingly welling up your lids.
How you jolted in line not wanting to proceed further,
How you shook & trembled differently to how my father's and mother's ones' had previously did not.
I placed my hands on you, just as how I had placed them earlier on my father's & mother's ones'.
I could feel you.
I felt the mystic aura go up my hairs.
I knew you could feel me and relate my good intentions to him.
As the takbir raya I chanted on my lips, the knife was wielded in sharp and precise motions to present you as a sacrifice to him.

May my parents intentions pass up the 7 layers of the sky unblocked, InsyaAllah
May my intentions pass up the 7 layers of the sky unblocked, InsyaAllah.

I was wondering why it was so. What caused the difference in the movement of the lamb. My heart I knew was definitely not pure, & my mind was filled with to many clouds of shroudded thoughts. Was that it ? The old man just advised me, upon hearing what I saw & thought, that I should stregthen the base of the poles that fly my flag up so high. I knew what he meant but I wondered if he knew what I was going through.

Please God, hear my pleas & hear my prayers. For it is only to you that I can look upon for help, & only to you alone. Alhamdulillah all seems to have gone some what smoothly, may it all be smoother in the future.

Oh, I saw fazzy as well. She looked like she had lost weight, & my did she look cute with the hijab. Haha. If not for me carrying the meat...heh.

I didnt know for what actual reasons. I was at the Seletar family home when suddenly the need to vomit was heavily in me, or rather going out of me. That made me feel so sick. Twice at that! & I was already sound asleep as the family ushered 2007 in. Gee...

So...were the activites that presided the last day of the Gregorian calendar.

2007 already came and with it, 1 day had already passed by. I didnt quite find enough time to draft in my mind proper new years resolution. Since its already here, I should bullet some out.

• Save another $10K (minimum $5K)
• Should probably throw away all (most la eh) of my excess baggages in my room. Heh.
• Get stable income & not from a contract
• find a proper outlet/person to express myself
• Get my degree started ??
• ...& of course moving on!

That said, what about the stuffs that had happened in 2006. How has my resolutions of 2005 turn out. Well, mostly, ermmmm k all my plans from 2005 for 2006 did not really materialise. There were however nice surprises that popped up through out the year. For all of that I have to be thankful.

2006 was a year of ups & downs. Plentyful of it really. The year that I derived the term RIDAK. Reliving Interesting Denials About K. That is so the epitome of me, on a rollercoaster. Back before the days I coined the acronym RIDAK, I had always described my life and ride to that of a rollercoaster. In 2006, my emotions were added to that ride & with that marked the ride of my life so far.

It was a pleasent sms in the afternoon of the new year that I found the birth of my paternity feelings. I already have a new cousin, whose name is Abdul Hadi btw, in the first few days of December but I only managed to hold him on the 31st. The feeling was different somehow when I was in SGH to hold the baby boy of my former classmate.

She was somehow very receptive to us guys carrying her new born child. & she was very hyper active for a new mum out of labour. Im sure ms.secretary can vouch for that. Heh! Oh...Oh! I met mr.secretary for the first time. I must say hes quite plum eiy & quiet :P Haha. Sorry dear ms.secretary if the joke about the ring was a lil too much :P

Zul cina, sgt.hotstuff and me welcomed lil Izz Hareez Hilman into the world in our arms. We are now known as 'paman' as said by Umi Fiedzah. Hehe. Mr.teacher somehow declined to have lil Izz in his arms. 1 thing us guys agreed when we had lil Izz in our arms was it made us feel like having our own. Maybe this was due to how close we were as a group to the mother. The parenting feeling from a good friend was passed on to us. Definitely I smiled in my heart knowing that I want my own come the age of 27 ;)

I took pictures but I cant seem to upload them to blogger nor photobucket, so just wait for the pics you all.

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The days before 2007 were trying ones indeed. Shouting matches, brain fights, battling loss of sleep, partying, "so called" working and emotional rollercoaster(which is norm) all being jumbled up in 1 big pile, in the same timeline.

I wont banter so much on the debacle thats pouring upon my taggie. Hey I have always been trying to be optimisitic, so the recent flurry of tags is...in...a...way...good! That said, I wont touch on it much more except that I'm happy I have my family on my side. Even though how much she agrees that I am flirty to the extent that I can be called a player!!! You can check out my lil sis' profile here btw.

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I want to find within myself, the old me...erm meaning the youngling me. The me that was younger and very much a pendiam and a pemalu. 2 characteristics of my that whenever I define it to my friends, never fail to produce a smurk the minimum. I want to find that me again.

I want that me.
No more partying maybe ? Hah.
Abg Chindian had said he wanted to quit off alcohol in 2007. I burst out telling him he wouldnt last more then 14 days.
Now that I think of it, I am being in the same mindset that people always percieve me in. The dont believe that I am a pemalu and pendiam deep inside me. I know that I am, I'm sure people will have their share of laughs but oh well. Nobody knows me. Not even her back then. Cause with all the emotions that I poured out after she moved on, she was actually quite surprised with this side of me that she never saw while we were in a relationship. So I trust myself and my own feelings that no one really knows me, not even myself. Except maybe my parents(at certain times only ;p).

This really is a long banter of ideas nad thoughts which I had kept from last year. It is finally a lil off my chest. It is off. So now I know at least I can look at the skies in 2007 clearer. be it vacant skies or not, be it full orange moon or not. Be it clouds of thunder and lightnings, be it hazy skies, or be it puuurfect atmospherical skies, at least I can see it now.

Yesh thats what Im looking forward to now.
2006 was a year of learning. 2007 shall be a year of moving.
I have my sights now on 2008 and beyond ;)
Its never to early to plan for the future aite...have a good year all.

Its never too late too...
Happy New Year 2007 to all!!!